


Trapped in Time

by Naveria7



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Also no one goes through all that Max did and comes out unscattered, F/M, I cannot get Nathan out of my mind, Medical Inaccuracies, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of past abuse, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Time Loop, Worry, and decided to give him a chance, mature because suicide themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naveria7/pseuds/Naveria7
Summary: Max Caulfield goes back to the beginning, and she cannot face the idea of going through it all again.Nathan Prescott had no one who cared about him, but he also didn't quite care about anyone, his life was fucked anyway.Max decides to end it all, she even has a plan, it would solve it all in one swift moment and Nathan would like nothing best that to let her, but destiny writes itself and he will be going back to the beginning to save her time and time again until there is a chance for redemption.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Nathan Prescott
Comments: 49
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Time Traveler's Keeper](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12393855) by [Cecilia_skye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cecilia_skye/pseuds/Cecilia_skye). 



She’d done it…

She had come back to the beginning, and now she is supposed to let Chloe die, not only that, she is supposed to WATCH her die, and she is not sure she can handle it anymore.

It is easy to say that the choice is done for her, as it was Chloe also choosing to save everyone in Arcadia Bay, at the cost of her life…but, to be honest Max can’t take it anymore, she’d watched Kate die, and she had led Victoria to her death trying to save her, even Nathan had died on her and she cannot stop hearing his broken voice over the phone “ _Everyone used me, I didn’t want to hut anybody..”_ he’d cried, he was about to die and his last thought was of explaining her his reasons and warn her about Mr. Jefferson.

God, even thinking about Mr. Jefferson sends Max into a fit of panic, she cannot forget the things that he had never done to her in this timeline. She would never heal, because for everyone else it did not happen and thus, she is fine. Yeah right, is everyone who is right curled up into themselves fighting to breathe?

Max hears the bathroom door opening, she knows it is Nathan and he is rambling about keeping calm, she almost wants reveal herself and tell him that he doesn’t need to be always alone, and that she would help him right his wrongs, because everyone deserves a second chance, she had even erased Arcadia from the map trying to give Chloe a second, third, fourth…she had lost count of how many times she had to revert Chloe’s death. But trying to reason with Nathan would end with her and a bullet to the gut…

Max opens her eyes in realization, there is a third option, and it is an option she can live with.

Max quickly scribbles in a page of her diary, _‘Mr. Jefferson killed Rachel Amber, I’m next_ ’ and then in big black bold letters she scribbles ‘ _The Dark Room in the old shed’_

There, she hopes that David knows what to do next, she has learnt to trust him, he is not that bad.

And it’s now or never, and to be true to herself, she is so tired, if she hadn’t chosen this now, she would do it later, time and time again if needed, as long as she didn’t have go through this again, as long as she could die.

Max breathes deeply and reveals herself to Nathan who is still talking to himself, he seems to be crying…odd…she hadn’t noticed the first two times this had happened.

“Nathan” she breathes out, barely over a whisper. Nathan points the gun at her, she had scared him anyway.

“Who the fuck are you? How long have you been here?” he screams at her pointing the gun as if it was his lifeline, poor Nathan, it would only be his fall.

“Nathan, give me the gun…or don’t, I really don’t care, I just want this to end” Max tells him with dead eyes, Nathan realizes she is not crying, she is already gone over her head, he should know, he is like that half of the time, the half he is sober anyway.

“Crazy Bitch! Do not come any closer” He screams at her, but she doesn’t seem afraid as she approaches him slowly.

The door of the bathroom opens, she took too much time and now Chloe is here, and Max is happy to know that at least she will be able to save her friend one last time.

With Nathan distracted, Max takes the gun from him easily and looks at it sadly.

“Get out, both of you, go” There is no fight left in her, she says this as if she was answering a question in class. And Chloe doesn’t seem to recognize her as she scurries out of the bathroom without asking questions. She would worry that Chloe would tell someone and ruin her plans, but she knows her friend, she would never tell anyone.

“Go ahead Nathan, this is almost over” Max tells him, he seems to be in shock as Max slowly raises the gun to her head “You don’t have to see this, it will not be pretty” Max tells him again in that dead voice, but he is scared for her, not that he cares, but he has been in her shoes more times than he would be comfortable to tell. “He will not hurt you after this, it’s up to you to find help, Nathan” She says after a brief pause, there is a lone tear marring her face now.

“He, who?” Ask Nathan unable to look away.

“Mr. Jefferson, the dark room” She answers with a very sad grin in her face, and he knows she is about to do it, he closes his eyes as a shot rings in his ears. _‘She’s done it, she is gone’_ he thinks, afraid to open his eyes, but he does, and he is prepared to see blood, and a sad blank face looking back at him. She had known about Mark, about the dark room, what else had she known about? But with his eyes opened, he is looking up to the roof of his dormitory room. _‘What the fuck?’_ he thinks before passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came late into the fandom (Thank you quarantine!) and I couldn't get out of my mind how limited Max's options seem, and that last call she received from Nathan. It was just not fair, I played the game a dozen times to see if I could save him to no avail.  
> Then I read "The time traveler's Keeper" and then I started to dream about this here, the beginning will probably look too alike to Cecile's work, but I mean no harm at all, it was just what prompted this. (I should mention that in my dreams I am about 5 chapters ahead, so we all will discover this story together)  
> This is my first published fic, mostly to keep myself sane, but hope that if you're reading this, you enjoy it as much as I do writing it.  
> I will not make author notes all the time, because when I download it I hate to skip this notes hehe...  
> Also, English is not my mother language, so there will probably be some very weird lines that would make much more sense my mother tongue XD


	2. Chapter 2

Nathan’s head was killing him as he woke up, he had had the weirdest dream. Maybe it was a warning that he should not go meet that Punk Bitch today, but it all had been so real! He could still smell her blood, feel it even, although he had never seen her, he seemed to have woken up at that moment…

Nathan looked around, he was in his room, and everything looked as it should, he glanced at his cellphone. It is 8am, he is late; he also has 3 messages from Vic, he only wonders what is her new first world problem that has sent her in a frenzy…this time, there is also a message from Harry, that one he opens as he has always been fond of his youngest brother, even if it was hard to believe. Harry had sent him another one of his drawings, although it was not a 9 y/o kind of drawing, he had made a self-portrait, the colors and the shadows too real too vibrant- it seems almost real, his brother is a prodigy, and Nathan is both proud and scared for him…proud because Harry has so much more life and talent than the whole family, afraid because his father was for sure monetize Harry at some point, it was all for the _family business._ It was the family business that had driven Kristine to Brazil, as far and as uncommunicated as possible to deter any approach from Father.

God, it was way too early for such deep thoughts and it was even worse as he could feel his head splitting in two, it was a very present reminder of the dream, he found himself second guessing himself, maybe he really should not go to meet that Price chit, maybe he should not take his gun, although he had purchased specifically to intimidate her…and Frank, that guy was scary too. _‘Nathan, snap out of it! It was a dream and you will have much more problems if Mark or Sean hear about what happened to Chloe Price’_ he reasoned with himself.

No, he would meet her as initially planned, he had much to lose.

He dragged himself to the showers, he saw that Gayram coming out of his room, he seemed animated, it made Nathan angry immediately, he could feel a sense of _Déjà vu_ and it was unnerving and it made him angrier than usual.

After a too quick shower , he finds himself sitting in his bed, gun in hand, he keeps staring at it, he’s still not comfortable with his choice, he still feels that headache, pills had stopped working for him with all the other useless meds, the wrong ones as always, and all the drugs usually in his system to dull the paranoia, he can feel an episode building up and he knows he has to act before he comes crashing down, he cannot afford it today, and breathing deeply one more time, he raises himself, tucking the gun in his pants and leaves his room.

**

It was showtime, he still had some minutes before that stupid chit arrived, she wanted something from him, he knew, she was no different from the others; probably money, he decided, they all did.

Nathan started to pace around, trying to calm himself and talking some sense into himself and he heard her-

“Nathan” Again, as soft as a whisper.

“What the fuck!” He screamed, she jumped at his outburst, but he didn’t care, what the fuck was happening, she was just as he remembered her from his dream. Dead eyes, sad lips, and she was holding her arm towards him, just like before.

“Nathan, give me the gun…or don’t, I really don’t care, I just want this to end” Max tells him, and that was it, Nathan had officially lost it, was this the meds, or lack thereof? Nathan started to back off from her ‘ _she looks familiar_ ’, he thought as he took one steady step away from her, he is no longer pointing her with the gun, he knows that she could take it if…

The bathroom door opens, Chloe has just arrived as she did in the dream, he again makes the mistake of looking back and he feels the Crazy’s Bitch hands lunging for his gun, he doesn’t let go this time, _‘this time?’_ It sounds so strange in his mind as he struggles with her and he hears that Price girl leaving the bathroom in a rush, maybe she is not as stupid as she looks, he thinks, and the girl with the dead eyes keeps struggling with him fighting him for the gun.

Nathan can feel it, as always it starts with a dull ache in his wrist, followed by acute pain shooting from his arm towards his shoulder, and he knows his hand will start twitching, his mind sending him into a frenzy.

Nathan has a split second to take his finger from the trigger before his fingers twitch, but it is too late-

A shot rings and he sees her dropping to the floor, she is holding her chest, and she smiles at him, is weak, but there. _‘She’s lost it’_ he decides, who the fuck smiles at a time like this! Maybe it’s a tic? Just like his hand twitching, or his leg bouncing to shake off the anxiety.

“It’s OK Nathan, it was not your fault” She breathes out as he panics trying to keep her blood inside her.

“Fuck! No, no, no! You can’t die, you can’t fucking die, I didn’t mean to, it was an accident, what the fuck were you thinking?!” Nathan screams at her, but she doesn’t seem to be listening anymore. ‘ _Was it really a dream? Have I woken up at all?’_ he thinks frantically…

“You have to stop him, only you can help” she tells him softly, reaching for his hand that is pushing steadily in her wound. _‘She really is crazy’_ Nathan thinks, who converses with its killer? “Stop Mr. Jefferson, or he will kill you” She continues, and he recognizes her, it’s the girl that Victoria is always talking about, Max Caulfield, he realizes just as he sees her eyes dull down, and she is gone.

The bathroom door opens aggressively, he turns around to see who has entered the bathroom, but his vision goes black and he never feels the cold tiles against his face.

**

“MAX!” Nathan screams shooting up from his pillow. He is sweating bullets, his sheets are sticking wetly to his body and he notices he is in his room. Again confusing thoughts bounce in his head, this cannot be real, he is crazy, he knows, but THIS crazy?

Glancing around to ground himself he reaches for the broken lamp and takes his cellphone ̴

It is October 7th, 3am and he has a message from Harry (the drawing he bets) and three messages from Victoria (rambling on and on about her ‘ _Everyday Hero’_ submission) and he is sure this time, he is trapped in a time loop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for me jumping in tenses...I'm learning a new language and it has shaken all my structure in Spanish and English...  
> I will probably keep making mistakes...unless someone wants to beta this...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly never thought someone would read this, so I thank everyone who takes the time! I'm honestly honored and hope to not disappoint.

Nathan didn’t sleep for the rest of the night; he had a hard time trying to come to terms with the situation he has fallen into, he could never trust his mind before, but this seems out of his imagination range.

The only information he could go from fell into Advanced Physics or Science Fiction; and he was definitely not well versed in any of those topics.

Something that he could be sure about was that the time loop seemed to be linked to Max Caulfield dying in that bathroom so far, but then, so many variables! He tried to make a list of options

  1. _She is not supposed to die (at all)_
  2. _She is not supposed to die in the bathroom_
  3. _She is not supposed to die at that time_
  4. _She is not supposed to be the ONLY one dying in that bathroom_
  5. _She is not supposed to die by a gunshot_
  6. _She is not supposed to be killed by herself or himself_
  7. _I am crazy_



Was he supposed to prove each theory? But then, how could he go on about it? Should he start over by letting her kill herself? Should he kill her again just to make sure? Should he hand over the gun to the Price girl? (He did not see that option going well for anyone)

With his mind reeling, he understood that there wasn’t a _correct_ way to go about, it could even be just _‘A glitch in the matrix’_ , as his sister used to say every time she felt a sense of déjà vu.

No, he would not risk it this time, maybe he was just in the wrong place and situation at the wrong time, he would not involve himself at all, hopefully able to fucking move on…

As he went on and on in circles, feeling a crushing pain between his eyes, he decided to take a shower, a fucking long one this time, to all sense and purposes, he hadn’t slept in two half days, he was not exactly feeling more tired than usual, but his mind was other story, he would not be surprised if his brain started flowing down his nose.

When was leaving his room for the showers, he saw the Graham guy again, if he remembered correctly, he was a science nerd and had been bullied before for all the fiction shit he’s always spurting on and on to whomever was willing to listen to it. It was something Nathan decided worth to remember if this went out of his hands, not that he had any control now…

He took a long shower, _‘I have time anyw_ ay’ he tought to himself as he had decided not to meet Price in the bathroom today, he would spend his time minding his business and steer away from Max Caulfield, she was not dead in this moment he assumed, she should be in classes and it was the only thing keeping him from going off. He could still feel the backlash of the gunshot, knowing he was responsible for the death of a person, even if it hasn’t happened yet or wouldn’t happen anymore, that didn’t mean he wasn’t responsible for _yet_ another death…

Nathan took all his photograph equipment, he decided to kill time by taking photos, maybe he would see Chloe at some other place (maybe the beach), and he would pay her for her silence... if he was right about that being what she wanted. She would be out of this town and of his life sooner than later and it would be one less thing to worry.

Nathan looked at the time, he was supposed to be in the bathroom by now, he wondered curiously about what’s going on now that he’s not there, would Max wait for him, or would she seek for him?

Not paying much attention to what he was really doing, he wandered into the woods surrounding the school, he wouldn’t find much to take shots from, but he could always play with his new lenses. It was already noon, a couple of hours after the end of the last loop, maybe by having himself removed from the picture fixed his timeline. He could live with it, let that crazy bitch kill herself all she wants as far as he wasn’t in the middle of it, maybe that Price girl killed Max this time (although he cannot think about a reason she would, to be honest)

He could hear some screaming nearby, he realized he was close to the Tobanga just outside the dormitories and there was some ruckus going on just beyond the tall bushes were he was taking a shot of a dead bird.

Deciding to go back he started towards the dormitories.

There was no signal as blackspots danced in his sight, he would go down, he knew it and he was certain he would wake up Monday again.

He tried to fight it but he knew it’d be futile and darkness surrounded him amidst a myriad of screaming students just across the bushes.

**

**October 7 th, 3am**

Nathan woke up in his room, same day, same hour and sadly same headache.

Something happened to Max Caulfield, that much was clear, but by staying away he had no idea of what happened and he couldn’t go about fixing it, or knew what she went through, to prevent it.

He remembered he was able to live through a couple of extra hours than the last two Mondays already, did that mean he was linked to Max? to the moment she _what…_ died? Fucked something up?

Was he linked to her alive? Or was she supposed to _achieve_ something and was dragging him as collateral, or worse, was HE supposed to do something and if so, was it in his hands to get out of this?

He couldn’t deal with this, so he went back to sleep, _‘this time I will follow her_ ’, he decides. How? He was still unsure, but he would have to be around her if he wanted to make it to Tuesday.

It didn’t go unnoticed by himself how his mind had been able to wrap the idea of being in a time loop, maybe it was linked to his inability to do _something_ about it, and with these thoughts in mind he drifted off to sleep.

**

He was late, he had slept through first period, she should already be in the bathroom and he should be waiting for Chloe to arrive, he left the gun again, there was no way he was going to risk it to set her off and start over again. He was almost annoyed by the fact that every time he woke up it was 3am, why couldn’t it be after breakfast? Why not just outside the bathroom so his mornings weren’t so annoyingly long, leaving him extra time to ponder?

Nathan waited (un)patiently by the bathroom door, Price went in and waited for him for a long time, until he received a text message

_Stood me up DICKHEAD, you will regret it if you do not meet me tomorrow same time and place._

And then he saw her storm off the bathroom alone.

Strange, he thought, Max had talked to him both first times, but not to Chloe, so she wanted to stop him? Or Mark? She had mentioned him two times now…

He only had to wait for some more minutes and saw Max leaving the bathroom, she looked dead on her feet, maybe she was also living through the loops?

Following her several paces back he noticed that her cellphone was ringing like crazy, but she was not in any rush to check it.

She started towards the dormitories and he felt dread in the pit of his stomach, because yesterday’s screams were coming from there.

“PRESCOTT!” Nathan heard his name being called from over somewhere behind him, he knew that voice, David Madsen, but didn’t attempt to turn around, whatever Madsen he wanted was not his priority at the moment, obviously.

The son of a bitch jerked him from his elbow, Nathan was ready to throw a punch but David stopped him at middle swing.

“Let go, scum!” He screamed at Madsen, who was still holding him by the fist.

“You were following her” The guard stated, and Nathan decided that he had no patience at all, Max was walking away and this was wasting valuable time.

“The fuck you care! Let go!” He turned around jerking himself free of Madsen’s hold of him.

“I’m chief security and It is my responsibility…” Madsen kept going on trying to stop Nathan.

“Fuck off!” Nathan screamed at him, garnering the attention of a group passing by.

“Mr. Madsen! stop harassing our students” Principal Wells intervened from somewhere behind them, and Nathan took the chance to run away from them, not in the least interested of what was going on with them.

He was looking around for her, but Max was unsurprisingly out of sight. He could see Vic lounging by the steps with her minions, Samuel was talking to himself as usual and there were a couple of jocks throwing the ball to and forth in the background, but not Caulfield.

“What the fuck” He heard someone yell and looked around to find what they were talking about, but the guy who had talked was looking at something on the top of the dormitory building.

Following the line of vision, his stomach dropped to the floor.

There at the top of the building was Max Caulfield, no bag in sight, standing on the ledge of the building, looking directly at him, sad smile on her face before she looked down and dropped off the ledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter is almost ready, if you're following me, I don't have an schedule but I hate to wait when I have the chapters ready...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself...

“CAULFIELD!” Nathan screamed, earning the attention of several people around him while he ran towards her. Time would restart itself soon, but maybe he could still help, he had just seen the girl he had been forced to follow for days now die…again.

“Move!” He heard himself talking to the crowd, pushing himself forward as they were gathering around her broken body by the stairs.

Victoria and her friends were shell shocked, some of them with some blood in their outfits.

He could see her now, blood was everywhere around her, and blood so dark was coming from her head. He was going to be sick.

“Max, fuck! No, no, no” Nathan continued frenetically, knelt by her form.

She had fallen facing down, it was a small relief that he couldn't see her face looking up at him. _'I failed again'_ he thought grimly.

He extended a hand, as if to touch her hair, he wasn't thinking, but he wanted her to come back. Why was it taking so long to go back? What if this was what was supposed to happen? Was he supposed to keep her alive long enough to let her kill herself? It seemed like a very cruel joke.

“Nathan?” Victoria called him, a hand in his shoulder.

Looking at her she had some tears in her cheeks already, and she was extending him her sweater. She wanted to give it to him so he could cover Max with it and stop her death being captured by dozens of cameras.

Nathan took the sweater and put it by the biggest pool of blood. He couldn't help to think that Victoria's beautiful cashmere sweater was getting irreparably soiled. How could people think she was a monster? A bitch? sure. But never a monster...

Someone jerked him to his feet, pulling him back along Victoria. He let them.

“WHAT HAPPENED?!” Nathan heard the Principal boom behind him, Nathan didn't acknowledge him, he could not stop looking at her... the blood that stop flowing, almost reaching him by where he was standing.

A wide space had been cleaned around her, people were not loitering so close now, and he could hear the distinctive sound of ambulances or police approaching the school. 

In the background he heard Victoria explaining Principal Wells what had happened. Nathan was numb, and confused, this was the most that he had been in this timeline after Max’s death, if he was correct, she had jumped to her death the time before he ad woken up that same morning, and the only thing that had changed was that he had followed her. This made absolutely no sense! Was he supposed to watch her die? He already had a couple of times, yet he was still there.

Someone put a hand in his shoulder claiming his attention, it was Victoria. She was looking down at him with sad eyes, he was sitting in the floor, gazing at Max's body, although he could not remember going down. She signaled at the crowd around them, they were all looking at him. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and faced Principal Wells.

“Did you know she would do this?” he was asking.

Nathan only shook his head ‘no’.

“Very well, if you were kind enough, please follow me” Principal Wells ordered him, but Nathan didn’t move “Mr. Prescott, you must follow me, bring Victoria if you must” he said quietly, almost kind.

“Mr. Madsen, please coordinate your team to evacuate the square from students, afterwards, you must join us in my office. I’ll be back soon to wait for the ambulance” Director Wells continued to his staff. And with a hand in Nathan’s shoulder, he steered them towards his office, Victoria following them close.

**

It was all a blur, he had dissociated since he left her covered her by the dormitory entrance. Nothing made much sense, he could hear people addressing him, but he could not bring himself to answer, he felt as in underwater.

“Nathan, you must speak” Victoria told him softly. “Everyone is wondering why you care so much, you’re scaring me”

Nathan’s eyes met hers and she could see his confusion. He saw her beside him, on the other side of the desk was Principal Wells and a police officer standing in the corner.

“What?” He finally said.

“Mr. Prescott, what do you know about what just happened?” Director Wells asked, he could feel by his tone that this was not the first time he had asked this question.

“Nothing much” He shrugged “A couple of days ago I saw her trying to kill herself, I stopped her” He kind of lied.

“And why did you not tell someone?” Director Wells pushed.

“It didn’t cross my mind, I’m just shocked she succeeded” He answered

“Were you two close?” Someone asked from the office entrance.

Nathan recognized that voice and spun around to see Mark Jefferson leaning by the door

“No” he answered again “We never spoke before the other incident”

“I’m sorry Mr. Prescott, but I find it hard to believe that you are this affected by someone who you barely knew before” The Director concluded

“I don’t fucking care what you think!” Nathan lashed out “I’m telling you the truth”

“Perhaps we should let them rest? They don’t seem to know more than the rest of the students, no one knew her that much, only Ms. Marsh said she had not seemed depressed before” Mark intervened

“One more question, I will ask that only Mr. Prescott and the Officer Nash stay present please” Principal Wells answered looking pointedly to everyone in the crammed office.

After everyone heeded his request, he looked Nathan in the eye again.

“Nathan, we had to go through Max’s belongings to find out what pushed her to make this decision, and we found something that caught our attention” The principal nodded to the officer in the corner who spread some pages inside bags on the desk.

He could see unfamiliar scribbles on the pages, he wished he could recognize it as her letter, but he honestly was even more surprised he even cared at all.

Paying closer attention to the scribbles, color bled out of him. There in an unfamiliar scribble clear as water.

‘ _Mr. Jefferson killed Rachel Amber, I’m next_ ’ and then in big black bold letters she scribbled ‘ _The Dark Room in the old Prescott shed’_ and repeatedly ‘ _Max in the Dark Room’_ scribbled over and over and over on the expanse of several pages.

“Nathan, do you know something about this?” Raymond asked almost kindly.

“He cannot know” Nathan answered, his voice breaking.

“What?” The officer pushed.

He owed it to Max, but at the end, did he? Did he owe her anything? Maybe he owed it to himself, she had mentioned that Mark would kill him, and he was so tired.

“Mark Jefferson, he cannot know that I told you, please, you have to wait a couple of days to pursue him, I will admit myself in the loony clinic tomorrow under stress and then you can do whatever” He whispered, and then he told them, Jefferson had blamed him of killing Rachel Amber after forcing him to drug her and drugging himself, the dark room, the other girls, it all flowed out of him and signed his statement. By the end he felt bone dry, they had let him go, sometimes his last name was a blessing, but he would be nothing but a disappointment to Sean.

Arriving at the dorms, Victoria was waiting for him, after a look she took his hand in hers and led him to her room.

**

Nathan was floating, after several pills and half a bottle of whiskey, he was way gone. Victoria was in her bed, while himself was somewhere between the coach and the floor, and he could not bring himself to care. He had fucked up, telling the truth was supposed to be relieving, but he only felt dread. Max’s death was weighting on him, and he could not begin to understand why, she was no one. But traveling in time to stop her from dying had built some kind of connection that he had never felt before and therefore, didn’t understand.

Next morning he would have to go and talk to his father and explain that he needed to go to the clinic and admit himself for another detox, man was that not going to be fun, those motherfuckers were always hard and every time he told himself that this would be the last one, only to fall into abuse again and again, but he could not help himself, pressure was asphyxiating and he could not deal.

Bipolar schizoaffective disorder was his personal demon, anxiety, depression, paranoia, maniac attacks, panic attacks...he had never been strong enough to fight it, the meds never helped, and at the end, no one cared, not even himself.

He wondered if Max had had some kind of disorder like him, Victoria always complained about her, but it was always about Max feeling superior to everyone, not about being depressed. Max had always raised to her level and that drove Victoria mad every time.

He should have talked to her, maybe he would feel less of a shit than now, although he doubted it. He had come to rely on time fixing itself and giving him another chance, after all, he had had four Mondays in a row…

**

Next morning came and went, and neither Victoria nor himself were in any condition to move, by noon they were more alert, and hangover was a bitch, he would need some painkillers, hoping they would at least help this time.

Walking down to his dorm and having a quick shower, he wore his usual jacket and dragged himself to campus.

Outside the dorms he could see a small altar to Max, just where she had fallen yesterday, some of her stupid selfies in the background and messages of people who would miss her were the majority of what he could read, if it had been him, he was sure nobody would’ve bothered to put something up. He would miss her, he realized, they didn't even know each other, but she had already impacted his life and she would never know.. 

Shaking his head, he kept walking and saw, more than heard Alyssa screaming at the top of her lungs, his gut twisted and jumped to his throat after a bone crushing thud sounded just where he had been standing not 10 seconds ago.

Lying in the floor was Kate Marsh, looking at him, a thin blood trail leaving her lips, eyes cold and unseeing, she had jumped off the roof.

"Fuck" he voiced as Nathan’s sight darkened and fell to the floor, no noise, no pain followed him into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you think it is getting sloppy, I had never before written anything this long...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm playing a game with myself of how long can I make my chapters, I started quite short...this is my longest one in my both stories.  
> Let me know if you liked it better when I was less descriptive or if it helps the story :)  
> Thanks for reading!  
> (I secretly love kudos, so don't be shy to leave your mark)

**October 7 th, 3am**

Nathan jerked awake, completely drenched in sweat, his heart was beating in his ears deafening him. He knew he had gone back in time, after a glance to his phone, he confirmed it, he had gone to the beginning.

He didn’t know if he was relieved or not, he did know that Kate’s death had sent him back this time, but it sent him to a moment where he could save Max, maybe it was in his hands to save Kate as well? he was not looking forward to it as he was partly responsible to whatever drove Kate to that roof. Or maybe it was Max who should save Kate? It would make sense…but it left him with one everlasting question. Why him?

He would not be able to go back to sleep, so he headed to the only place it made sense at that time, the roof. All students knew that the door never really closed, it was a matter of pushing hard enough and it would unhinge itself.

He half expected to see Max or Kate there, looking down, pondering jumping to their deaths.

He walked to the ledge where he had seen Max looking at him, and he was not delusional, she had really looked at him sadly before jumping. He understood now that in her mind, jumping was the only way to bring attention to Jefferson and the Dark room. Nathan was still feeling anxious about having revealed so much.

It felt heavily like betrayal.

It was difficult to wrap his mind around so much time passing by and at the same time, being in a place in time when nothing had changed, nothing had happened. He did not feel like the person he was just yesterday, because so many things had changed. And still, his feelings were confused.

A year ago, Mr. Jefferson had arrived to Blackwell as a request from his father, he had set up a studio in one of the old bunkers and renovated the whole space, he said to Nathan that it was to give him both, a hobby to _pull his shit together_ and a tutor on what his father always considered a bullshit profession but was willing to admit that a renowned photographer in the family would hurt much less than the bat shit crazy child of Sean Prescott.

At first Mark had tried to really teach him, but after a while Nathan started to disappoint him as much as he disappointed his father and had bowed to himself to not let that happen. He had been a role model student in the photography club and had diligently set up the studio for Mark, that was the moment that changed his life, he realized now.

Mark was not cheap with his flattery, he was prone to tell him what a good photographer he would be, how helpful he’d been and how he enjoyed working with Nathan. It was not strange when Mark started to ask him for drugs, he had claimed that it enhanced his focus during a shot, his _muses_ were always much more prone to perfection if under its effect.

It was all well, he hadn’t even questioned the first time he saw a drugged _model_ in the Dark Room, he had thought at the time that they had agreed, and Nathan had treated them accordingly. Jefferson’s praise was all his sanity hanged on to, sometimes.

After a while, Jefferson had taken interest in Rachel, he had known that they were friends and had given him the task of convincing her to go with him to the dark room. He had fucked up, given her too much and she’d died of an overdose, he himself had been fucked up. To this day he could not remember anything.

True to his word Mark had hidden Rachel’s body even before he had recovered from the fateful day where he had lost one of his best friends. Afterwards their relationship had shifted, Jefferson pushed him harder and harder, it was more difficult to earn some praise from him. But he had tried anyway.

Mark had chosen another muse, Kate Marsh, and it was his opportunity to show him that he could be useful, that he had talent too, and so, he had drugged Kate that night. She had been so scared, and he had even felt bad for her when the night was over. But Mark had told him how helpful he’d been, and that there might be hope for him after all. He had eaten it all up like a malnourished puppy.

For a while there, Mark had taken an interest in Victoria, and he knew he would not be able to deliver her to him, she was the closest to a loving family he had. Fortunately, Mr. Jefferson had taken an unhealthy interest in Max Caulfield, and he could breathe again. Anyone but Victoria.

He laughed now, a humorless chuckle.

Sitting in the dormitory ledge, he knew now that he would never deliver Max now.

She was helpless and he was the one who could help her, it was nice to be needed, honestly able to care for someone and know that you’ve changed their life for the best. He would not give it up, not even for praise from who he had come to think of as a surrogate father.

When morning came, he would do all in his power to save Max, no more games.

**

That morning he took a shower, lately it seemed the only thing that kept him going, he could not go for a fix because he had shit to do, but we has craving it, because in this timeline he had not just gotten himself fucked up, as he had when Max had jumped off the ledge.

He left the gun, wore his jacket and left to the bathroom, he had texted that morning to Chloe that he had to go home and could not meet her that morning, but that he would give her what she wanted. I did not sit well with him, but he could not see any other option to keep her off himself while he fixed whateverthefuck destiny wanted him to fix, and first step was to go to that bathroom to Max.

It was already 9:10, he went in the bathroom still finding it empty, he knew she was hiding at the end of the stalls, so he went straight to her, finding her scribbling in her diary. The pages that he had seen on what was _his_ last Monday.

“Caulfield” he said scowling, he couldn’t help himself, he had never actually talked to her, but she had made his life hell for too many Mondays already.

Max jumped, breaking mid-scribble.

“Nathan!” That was not supposed to happen, he was supposed to enter and start talking to himself, then Chloe would come in and he would point his gun at her, and he would shoot her, only this time Max would take her place. But this was different, and she was out of sorts.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Caulfield?” He said, no venom in his voice as she was used by now. It was not the broken boy that had called her to let her know to be careful of Jefferson either.

“Give me the gun, Nathan” She said following her plan, this changed nothing, she wanted to forget.

“I didn’t bring it” He deadpanned.

“Give it to me, Nathan!!” She said hysterically.

“Are you fucking deaf? I said don’t have it on me!” he was getting impatient and nervous as this was so different than all the other times.

“Then you are of no use to me” She said matter-of-factly, trying to avoid him and leave the bathroom.

“Where the fuck you think you are going?” He said exasperated but not raising his voice, grabbing her by the arm.

She struggled with him; his grip strong enough to hurt “Let me go!” She screamed at him.

“To do what!! To jump off a ledge? Or are you going to get creative?” He continued, and she stopped struggling, looking at him as if it was the first time. ‘ _Maybe it was’_ he thought.

“What did you say?” She asked with round, desperate eyes.

“I said that if you are thinking to off yourself, stop, I’m not going to let you”

“What do you care, how did you know?”

“I don’t care! but if you do I will have to come back again and again and again until you are not fucking dead and I haven’t had a decent night of sleep since I don’t remember when!, but reality is, it was just yesterday and I’m fucking tired of playing guardian!!” He looked straight to her, a little bit too naked for comfort, he was _seeing_ her, really seeing her and her intentions.

“I can’t go on” She whispered, breaking in sobs, she couldn’t recognize herself, this was not her, she was never a broken nobody. But she felt absolutely hopeless. “I can’t do this again, I can’t go back to the dark room, please don’t make me”

Nathan understood then, it was now clear to him, she had also traveled time somehow, and the Max that was in front of her was a broken version of the one Victoria described, even more so than Kate Marsh, she had been into the dark room, and Jefferson had done who knows what to her. He was never physical with them, ‘ _It is art’_ he had stated once he had asked, but he knew by Victoria that Jefferson had taken a special interest in Max Caulfield.

“You don’t have to, I promise that I won’t let that happen” he blurted out before thinking it through, who the fuck was him to offer that? And who the fuck was her so he would vow to protect her? What had she done for him but die in front of him once too many times?

But fact was, he had seen her die time and time again, he did not want to see her hurt, and this time he had the power to help someone, however unrequited as it seemed now.

“I will help you, Max” He said with finality

“No” She said shaking her head. “No” she repeated, her breathing rushing. She would pass out at that rate,, he noticed. She was having a panic attack and he was only too familiar with those (Having had one just last night)

He took her hands on his and jerked her none too kindly into water from the closest faucet. “Breathe Caulfield, slower, think back from 10” he instructed trying to ground her. He could see her breathing slower, until he knew it had passed.

“Why? Why are you being kind?” She asked him.

“I honestly don’t know” He answered sincerely.

She started crying, and let herself crouch into a little ball, holding her head between her knees and her hands holding her head there, streams of tears going down her face, and he felt so out of place.

He remembered the night before, when she had died and he had denounced Mark over to the police, knowing that Sean would blame him…fuck, he had not even contemplated that maybe Sean knew of the dark room! FUCK he had fucked up the previous day so badly, he realized. He had had a panic attack, non-differently than Max seconds ago, and afterwards Victoria had held him, rocking him in a hug, it had felt good, just like when his mother had given a shit about him once too many fuck-ups ago.

Uncomfortably, he sat beside her and reached for her small frame, pulling her into a hug. Surprisingly for both of them, she let him, balling herself into him as he held her. She mourned for herself, and for Chloe, for Victoria and for Nathan ‘ _Maybe this is the other Nathan? He seemed kinder, if always a blabbermouth’_ she thought.

As out of place as he felt, he had to remotely admit to himself, it felt good to care for someone and be allowed to do it.

“We’ll get out of this mess together” He offered.

As bizarre as it was, Max trusted him.

**

Nathan didn’t know how long they stayed like that in the bathroom floor, barely obscured by the last stall. Fortunately for both, no one had entered while Max worked her anxiety off.

To anyone else, it would seem strange. Nathan was not known as an affectionate person, hell! He wasn’t known as a composed person as to offer any kind of comfort.

“Max, we need to move” he whispered, knowing only too well that anything else could relapse her. It was obvious she was in a very weak state of mind.

Max was unresponsive for what felt like minutes, to be frank, Nathan was loosing her temper, but he knew that this was a gift, he had thought he had failed her when after plummeting to her death he had not been sent back to fix it. He had a taste of what failure felt like, and he was in no rush to put himself through it again.

Finally, Max unwound herself from his arms and looked at him.

“I think you might have a story to tell” she whispered timidly.

“I have a feeling you do also” he countered; he couldn’t stop a light chuckle.

Nathan stood up and held a hand towards her, she looked at him, deciding if it was wise to take it. He understood, taking his hand would mean more than just standing up, it would mean trust, and agreeing to tell her story, and in a way, agreeing to put a hold in her attempts to off herself.

He looked at her, trying to convey she could trust him, if only for a truce, a moment suspended on time, because it was time that had intertwined their paths.

She took his hand and pulled herself up.

“Should we?” He asked.

“Where?”

“I could stomach some breakfast, how about we drive to the Two Whales?”

“Y-you’d drive us there?” She followed with a question. Max was thinking that nobody was able to change so much in such a little amount of time, but maybe then, this was also Nathan.

“I’m not taking the bus, Caulfield”

“Ok” she squeaked.

He looked at her, she looked confused, but he wasn’t fooled, she would attempt something if she felt by a second that she was at risk.

“Tell a friend you’re going to the Two Whales if it would make you feel better” he found himself offering.

She took her phone out and stared at it, then shook her head ‘no’ and signaled him to walk ahead of her.

The way there was not uncomfortable as he thought it would be, she mostly looked out the window, and he drove although he would glance at her from time to time. The unreality of all the situation nagging in the back of his head.

At their arrival, she hopped quickly out of the truck and made way to the entrance of the diner. Nathan followed from behind and almost ran her over when she suddenly halted at the entrance.

“What the fuck?” he voiced grabbing her shoulders to not stumble both down.

“I c-can’t go inside if Chloe is inside” She hadn’t thought of the possibility until she had arrived at the diner doors.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked running a hand through his hair “Fine, wait here” he said and went in, only to come back a minute later.

“The punk bitch isn’t inside, neither is Joyce’s shift” he assured her. And in he followed him.

Surprisingly, he didn’t take her to her usual spot, she knew it was his spot too, but they went to the one by the corner, when once he had taken Frank’s keys.

The waitress came to take their order, she got a coffee and waffles to share, she’d said, he had only a diet coke.

“You are not overweight, you know?” She said to him, shaking her head.

Maybe it was the wrong thing to say, he was livid for a second, but calmed down and shook his head.

“You’ve got to stop this, how the fuck did you know about that?” He said instead “Tell me what you feel comfortable sharing, let me understand” he said kindly (an adjective that maybe only Victoria or Rachel would have attributed to him)

The waitress (Demi) brought their split breakfast and left without a second glance.

“You’ll think I’ve gone crazy” She quipped

“Maybe we both are, now spill” his tone increasing, it was obvious that wherever he was taking his patience from, it was quickly thinning out. So, she did, she said all that she had been through the last week only keeping to herself where Rachel was buried, the beating Nathan had taken and the parallel universe she’d stumbled through when she’d traveled back 5 years to the past and ultimately all of what she had had to endure with her time with Jefferson. He didn’t interrupt, not once. His breath had sped up and halted at key parts, like him killing Chloe, Kate jumping off the roof, hearing that he might not be responsible of Rachel’s death after all, Chloe and her finding Rachel and finally hearing about his and Victoria’s death at the hands of Jefferson. It was a lot to take in.

She looked at him, grabbing her coffee and popping a piece of waffle in her mouth. He was looking at her, really looking and she knew he had believed her.

“Where is she buried” Was the first thing Nathan thought to ask.

“I c-can’t tell you right now” she answered “I WILL! But not now, it’s not the right time” she offered in a rush.

Deflated he looked out of the window, taking in all the information. It was not really a mystery why she had wanted to off herself. She would save Chloe, and in a way, save herself from knowing what she did. Leaving hints about Rachel and Jefferson was something to appease her conscience, but ultimately, irrelevant.

“I saw you die” he answered without prompt.

Max didn’t reply, because really, what would she ask.

“I didn’t care at first, you had taken my gun and shot yourself dead, and just like you described on your first time back in time, I understood by the second time that I had was repeating the same day” he continued “I didn’t really care” he struggled to put into words both facts and feeling behind his actions, he felt he owed her that much “I ignored you the second time back and off you went to jump off a fucking roof, I didn’t even know what happened to you when I was sent back in time” he paused

“Hell Max, I watched you die three times” He looked at her with red eyes

“I’m sorry” She offered

“You’re not sorry you killed yourself many times, though” He guessed, she shook her head no.

“I’m sorry that for whatever reason you were chosen to go back and had to watch me do it” she answered.

He knew she was far from Ok, but…never imagined that after talking all morning she would still be suicidal.

“Caulfield, I need to know if you still plan to off yourself” he asked at point blank.

She refused to meet his eyes, looking down to her food.

“I don’t know” she answered honestly “I don’t know” She reiterated, and finally looked at him, tears running down her cheeks.

“Fuck” He said, “It’s going to be a hell of a long day, isn’t it?”

“Yes, It will”


	6. Chapter 6

After driving back to Blackwell, Nathan and Max stayed in Nathan’s truck for a long while. Neither spoke, neither looked at the other, because, what else could they say?

“I’ll head back to my room” Max offered after a prolonged silence.

“No” Nathan responded immediately. “I-I don’t trust you to be by yourself” He shook his head looking straight at her.

“What else am I supposed to do?” She cried “Am I supposed to think we are friends now and go to your room? Maybe we can braid our hairs and bond over your gun? Or would you prefer to play roulette russe?”

“Don’t get nasty at me Caulfield” Nathan growled.

“God forbid someone was sarcastic to you” She retaliated.

“We are not talking about who I am and how much of an asshole I am, I know OK?” He answered, he was getting altered, his breathing speeding up slightly, it was evident he was trying to keep cool, but he knew that even if he didn’t want to, he was bound to go off if this path was followed.

“You confuse the hell out of me” She answered with tears in her eyes.

“I know, this isn’t easy for me either” He bowed his head towards the wheel “I’m out of sorts, I’m being as kind and composed as I know how and I know that it will not last, but I’m trying here, I don’t fucking know why! But I’m trying, Max”

It was the most honest thing he had ever been to anyone. EVER.

“I’m sorry” she touched his shoulder “It’s been one hell of a week”

“Yes, it has been”

“So, where do we go from here?”

**

They had stayed for a very long time in the car, both wanting different things.

Nathan wanted to make sure that Max didn’t restart his day, which was another way to say that he didn’t want her to kill herself; She instead wanted to go to her room, think about everything that had happened and digest the fact that she had gone and offed herself repeatedly in another timeline. At the end they’d decided to go back to Max’s room, he could make sure she didn’t do anything stupid, and she could rest and pretend he wasn’t there.

At her dorm, after avoiding everyone. He plummeted in her couch; he was completely exhausted. Max instead looked at him and how out of place he looked in her space. It hadn’t even been 10 minutes, she had not really entered her room, just stayed by the door, looking at everything remembering the last time she had been there, deciding to water her plant and putting some of the books in order, when she turned around, Nathan had dozed off.

He looked sort of kind, not much like the Nathan she had known. It was still quite strange to have him being patient to her, and she didn’t fool herself thinking he cared about her wellbeing; he, as well as she, was tired about traveling in time. It had been exhausting to her to ‘choose’ when and why to reverse time, it must be even more exhausting for him having to replay a whole day with no control whatsoever.

Having no other coping mechanism, she took a photo of Nathan and proceeded to write in her journal. She had taken the photo of the butterfly that morning, not wanting to really disconnect from the other timeline, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, one more photo; but now it didn’t seem like her last one, just a new beginning. And she wrote, wrote about the last week, every single detail she could remember, names, places, facts and consequences of hers and Chloe’s actions.

 _Chloe_ , she didn’t want to go down that path.

She was dying to go see her, but she wouldn’t know what to tell her, and if she did and something happened to her, she didn’t trust herself of not trying to rewind time and help her.

Maybe somethings were supposed to be buried, like her friendship to Chloe.

It was all very confusing to say the least. And with a whirlwind of thoughts she fell asleep, journal to her chest.

**

Nathan woke up with a start, he didn’t recognize his surroundings, it was late, if the moon was any indication. He had fallen asleep in Caulfield’s room, and looking around, he found her fast asleep in her bed, she was hugging a journal, and even from afar and closed, he could see it was filled to the brim with her instant photographs. Nathan yearned to get his hands in her journal, if only to find ways to keep her away from messing with his time again, but he knew it would upset her, and it wasn’t something he was willing to risk.

Not knowing what else to do, he did what he would’ve done any other time, he went to the roof.

When he arrived, the place was not deserted as he had hoped, Kate Marsh was there, sitting on the ledge, her feet dangling in the nothing of the night, her hair was down, unlike he had ever seen her, and she was crying. He did not want to interrupt, he was sure she would not jump at that time, but as he was retreating, some noise alerted her of his presence, and she looked straight at him.

“Nathan” she whispered, just like she had done so many days ago in the dark room while she was being photographed by Mark. She had remembered him from the party, and as such she’d kept mumbling his name.

Her voice was afraid, as if he was going to push her over, but as far as she knew, that could be a possibility.

Nathan looked straight at her, the memory of her dead eyes staring at him engraved in his eyelids whenever he closed his eyes, he felt one stray tear leaving his treacherous eyes. Opening his eyes, he fell into his knees by the door “I’m sorry Kate” he muttered “I didn’t want to hurt anyone, you have to believe me” he whispered into the night.

Kate left the ledge and approached him slowly, warily.

“What happened to me, Nathan?” She cried “I feel so dirty, I don’t remember anything, I have the right to know”

“He photographed you, he likes to photograph girls like you” he replied unable to look at her.

“Who Nathan? And why didn’t you take me to the hospital as you promised?” She pushed

“I c-couldn’t, I couldn’t risk disappointing him” he sobbed, even when his eyes remained dry.

“Who Nathan?” She asked softly touching his shoulder, it was a mistake.

“Don’t touch me!” He jerked himself standing, looming over her.

“Nathan you are scaring me” She told him trying to calm him.

“Bitches like you are always blaming me, I had no choice, I had never had a choice!” He screamed at her, she was backing off from him, but he was not following her. “Nothing happened to you, you got photographed, why he wanted you I have no idea, but he did, and I wanted him to recognize me” He continued.

“Ok Nathan, I believe you” She said, as simple as that.

He stopped, watching her. She was looking him straight in the eyes, tears streaming down her eyes.

“You will have to tell me the whole truth soon, though” She continued, he couldn’t believe her.

“What are you on?” He asked her, unbelievingly.

“Nothing Nathan, but as hurt as I am, I can see you hurting too, I cannot forgive you yet, but you will have to tell me everything soon and then I will decide” She went on. God, she was a fucking saint, and he couldn’t understand her

“Whatever” He said leaving her there. She didn’t stop him.

**

On his way down, he was feeling more and more like shit. God, he wanted a smoke.

 _’Why, oh why the fuck can’t I just be a decent human being for once in my fucked-up life?’_ he thought…but he knew the answer, he was fucked up in the head, he didn’t function correctly and even when he knew what he had to do, he was finally unable to do it, anxiety gripping his gut and a haze taking over his mind.

Against his better judgement, he went to his room to recover his pack of cigarettes, he still didn’t trust Max. But once there, he was tempted on more than only smokes.

Dragging his stash from the back of the couch, he stared at his options. Vic wouldn’t like that he hadn’t shared, but he fucking deserved it after a day like that one. He could feel the tremors now. He had gone far too long without a fix, or his medication (not that it helped much) and firmly believing he deserved it, he dry-swallowed more pills than what he maybe should have. Not ten minutes later he was out.

**

Light was hurting his eyes, he shouldn’t have taken so many pills, he knew that. A quick glance around his room confirmed it was past noon. He had lost another day of lessons, although it didn’t quite matter, as Principal Wells knew better than to complain about it.

Struggling he stumbled to his feet, found a bottle of water and finished it.

With only one eye open to diminish the amount of light, he took his phone which was miraculously alive and confirmed that it was finally Tuesday. It was a small success; he hoped that by leaving Max alone last night, she wouldn’t attempt anything without trying to find him first, he hoped she’d understood that this time, he was on her side.

Struggling, he dragged out of his room to take a shower. It was all deserted, as everyone was either at lunch or in classes still and indulged a little longer than he would have, hadn’t he still felt hungover.

By the time he had finished his “morning” routine, he sent a message to Max.

_-Where are you-_

_-Jefferson’s class-_

_-WTF Max!!-_

_-I’m OK-_

_-Whatever-_

She was crazy, he concluded. She went on to class with a known murderer, probably thinking that it was what she was supposed to do _‘If it is anyone’s fault, its mine’_ he thought grimly, as he had left her last night, but after his encounter with Kate…

FUCK! Kate! If she was to jump, it would be today, he remembered in haste. She was supposed to be at Jefferson’s class with Max.

_-Is Kate with you-_

_-No…why-_

_-Nothing-_

_-It’s today, right?//Fuck! We have to find her!-_

Nathan reviewed some of his other texts, several from Victoria, the video caught his attention. He had forgotten all about that video. It was going viral by now.

I was his fault really, but if he found her…if he found her in time it wouldn’t matter, he thought rushing towards the roof. She wasn’t there.

_-Not in the rooftop-_

He sent note to Max

- _Stuck at Jefferson’s-_

Nathan rushed through the dorms and rapped at Kate’s door, nobody answered, and he welcomed himself inside only to find it empty. Approaching to the desk, he found the video open on her desktop; a bunny by his left and on top a note.

‘ _Max, please take care of him, XO Kate’_

Fuck, whatever he had said last night wasn’t enough, she would still do it.

On his way to Campus, he saw her by the bus-stop, he approached at top haste, and heard the familiar ring of the bell dismissing classes.

 _-Bus stop-_ he sent note to Max

“Kate!!” He shouted, rushing to her.

Kate looked back at him, his heart once again lodged in his throat. Nathan could see tears streaming down her face and was distantly conscious about Max’s voice behind him.

It was a split second.

He looked back to Max, her face contorted by panic and a deafening screech of tires.

“KATE!!” Max’s shout reverberated, it was raw and desperate.

Looking at where Kate had been a second ago, he could only see her legs from under a truck, which by the look of it, had tried to avoid her.

Kate was gone, he had changed her past, and she’d decided to end herself somewhere else, where he wouldn’t be able to find her.

Max crashed with him, rushing to Kate. She reached her friend in seconds and kneeled by her, covering her mouth, a silent scream in her features. Still, he didn’t move. He had failed.

Gathering all his courage, knowing quite well how odd it would seem to the gathered spectators, he approached Max.

“Max” He said touching her shoulder in support, crouched by her side. He wasn’t expecting her to acknowledge him, but she turned to him and fell into his arms, crying her eyes out and wetting his shirt. It wasn’t the first time, he remembered, but it was still quite strange to feel this kind of compassion toward someone; it was also mortifying the looks they were attracting, however Max was his priority at the moment, he knew Kate’s death wouldn’t sit well with her. Nathan closed his arms around her, his hands going through her hair softly.

After a couple of minutes Max stepped away from Nathan and he let her. She was on her feet, her right hand in front of her it was a strange thing to do, but whatever she was trying to accomplish, it had not worked because she soon redoubled her tears and the frustration was palpable.

**

Just like when it had been Max’s suicide, Madsen had reached them and accused more than asked what had happened, Principal Wells had arrived seconds later and ushered them towards his office where they awaited for the principal, Jefferson in tow (for support Principal had said) and awaited for the police to arrive and take their statements as they were the closest to her at the moment of her demise.

Nathan was drilled by Madsen as he was convinced that Nathan was involved in her death, he wasn’t entirely wrong, but Max had intervened in his behalf.

“No” she had said when confronted “I don’t think Nathan was her breaking point…I saw Kate talking to Mr. Jefferson before class. She was preoccupied with something and she ran out of class” she said in a monotonous voice “He then said to me that she oughtn’t complain as much, if he said that to her, it would be enough to feel unsupported…Mr. Jefferson knew about the video, he should’ve been more supportive”

Nathan sat there without making eye contact with anyone, he knew that on Jefferson’s eyes, it was more than strange that Max would point his finger at him she had defended Nathan seconds ago. He would suspect of him, he didn’t want to accelerate his death, he hoped Jefferson didn’t make that assumption.

Jefferson apologized and accepted that he might be partly responsible for Kate’s death, that he should’ve been more supporting than he had been, and Principal Wells suspended him as well as removed him from the ‘Everyday Hero’ contest. Nathan knew that didn’t bide well with his _protector_ ; he had planned to take that opportunity to have a one to one with Max…whatever he had meant.

Nathan followed the flow, trying to divert all attention from him, it was a too familiar the feeling, having completely screwed everything up in this timeline as well. Max could feel Nathan introverting, it was obvious he didn’t want any attention on him, and it was also obvious from Jefferson’s glint in his eyes that he also thought Nathan was to blame for Max’s declaration.

Nathan refused to declare anything, it was Max who had signed her statement and they were both dismissed upon Jefferson’s prompt on them being tired.

Nathan could feel the anxiety building in his gut, he looked over his shoulder on his way to the dormitories even when Max was walking by his side, in his mind, it was even worse. Thank to heavens she hadn’t uttered a single word to him and had walked a fair distance away.

“What the fuck is going on, Nate?” He heard Victoria say, she was standing by the dorms entrance, he hadn’t seen her.

Nathan looked at Max, she shook her head and went ahead inside.

“Nate, you worry me, we are best friends” Victoria said when he was at arm’s reach.

“Nothing Vic…I feel guilty” Said Nathan hunched, looking at his feet “Will you tell me that you don’t feel even remotely bad?”

“I didn’t say that, but Nate, she overreacted, it wasn’t a big deal” She tried to comfort him.

“That is bullshit and you know it, Vic” He said listlessly “I saw her last night, she seemed to be thinking on jumping, we were on the roof” he confessed.

“Oh Nate!” Victoria wrapped him in her arms.

“I went back to my room and got fucking high, that is why this morning I couldn’t find her” He continued.

“Nate, we were horrible, but that was on her…not on us” She tried to reason, Nathan thought that it was Victoria’s way of dealing with what had happened.

_Ping_

_-You must save her…I’m sorry Nathan, it was the only way I could think to right this-_

“Are you ok, Nate?” Victoria asked worriedly “You look pale”

He looked at the dorm windows, a loud ‘ _BANG’_ resonated, he fell to his knees, unbalanced.

“Nathan!” He heard Vic scream, but he was already fading again.

“Max” He said, for a second he was by the dorms entrance on his knees struggling to stay awake, the next blink, he was waking up in his dorm.

**October 8 th, 11:57am**

“Why, Max?” He whispered into his pillow.

Nathan knew he had limited time, however, he felt heartbroken into thinking that Max had taken her life once again.

Confused he understood something, Max mattered, she mattered to him more than it was logical.

He was going to do things right, and he bowed this would be the last time he would lose her.

But first, he had something to repair, and assume his consequences.

**

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to...sorry not sorry...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...my 20 year old puppy passed away yesterday, and I escaped reality by writing...
> 
> 10.07.20 - Some typos corrected

Nathan wasted no time, he threw on some clean clothes and rushed to campus; he half expected to see Kate in the bus stop already, but no, it seemed she hadn’t quite made it there yet. And he had two options in front of him; either he waited for her, but one mistake would trigger her…or he tried to find her and buy some time.

The easiest was the first, but he had already bowed to himself not to screw things up this time, even if he had to man up and vomit his secrets to Kate, hopefully Max would join them and buy them more time to plan Jefferson’s fall.

Nathan remembered that Kate had tried to find some comfort from Jefferson at the beginning of their lesson, he had turned her away and that had spiraled tragedy in different timelines. Had that happened yet? According to the time, the class had started not 10 minutes ago, he had an hour.

“Fuck” Nathan brushed a hand through his disheveled hair.

- _Make an excuse, we need to find Kate, find me by the bus stop-_

He sent note to Max, he needed manpower, but if he was honest to himself, he wanted to see her, convince himself she was ok.

His stomach still twisted thinking about her the previous day, she had been better, but it had been too easy for her to throw her life away in the expectation that he could save her friend. He wanted to make her stop, she needed to value her life again.

_-Fuck, Kate!...OMW-_

He stood nearby the bus stop, he was actually looking at the street side instead the entrance, lost in thought, whirling emotions he had not felt before or had been long suppressed either by drugs or meds (Not that he was clean, _per se_.)

“Nathan” He turned towards the sound of her voice. Max was by his side, black circles around her eyes, she looked exhausted, sadness was an undertone of her face, but her eyes were wary and scared.

A feeling long lost overwhelmed him “Max” He breathed out her name, suddenly pulling her to his chest, enveloping her in his arms. “Why, Max” He whispered into her hair.

Max went stone still, she didn’t want to upset him, but the feeling was awkward. She had two Nathans to reconcile in her mind. She decided she much preferred this version even when he baffled her.

“Nathan, what’s going on?” She asked pushing him off lightly.

His eyes where red rimmed, and his face was contorted by sadness, long gone was that anger that seemed to characterize Nathan Prescott in her other timeline.

“It’s Kate, she’s going to attempt something today” His eyes willed her to understand the unspoken words. He had traveled back, there was only one reason why he would have had to do so. “I’ll need your help, I think-” He breathed deeply “I think we have to tell her the truth, as much of it as it makes sense so we can appease her and plan how to bring Jefferson down, Max.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t see any other option, I can try to explain it to her, but you are her friend, she needs you, and she needs to listen to what happened to you…i-if you’re ready, that is” He added.

“I don’t want to go back into the Dark Room, Nathan” Her eyes filled with tears.

“I know, Max” He pulled her into his arms again “I’m sorry”

Max pushed him away, he felt rejected for a second, but her attention was not on him, she was watching Kate, her head was low, and she was walking towards them, well, the bus stop, actually.

“Kate” Max called her attention, while rushing towards her, Nathan following close behind.

“M-Max, where were you, Max” Tears streamed down her face. “You never seem to be around, never when I need you” she carried on, the effect those words had on Max were evident.

“Kate, I’m sorry…” She cried. “It’s been one hell of a week”

Kate seemed unimpressed, she still refused to look at Max, her eyes lost in her personal hell, he knew because he recognized the tortured face. Too many times being the subject to it, and so many more escalating down long lost friends.

“You have no idea what has happened to me, Max!” She replied dejectedly.

“I do, Kate, I do” Max cried. “Will you hear my story? It is deeply intertwined with yours” she begged her friend.

Kate finally looked straight at them, she seemed sad, angry, but ultimately lost.

“Nathan, is this connected to you?” She asked straight on.

“Yes” He said “I think it’s time we spoke”

“Ok, let’s talk” and with that Kate turned and they followed her, she was leading them somewhere, they had no option but to follow, this was still her time, the power to change their lives was in her hands and she didn’t even know.

Nathan realized that, even she had been hopeless because she had thought nobody would offer her answers. Her will to understand was stronger than her hopelessness at that moment. Maybe she would’t attempt anything rash.

The trio walked silently, Kate directed them through the woods behind Blackwood, neither Nathan nor Max had ever been to that area, but after a 10 minute walk they found themselves by a cliff, it overlooked to the faraway beach and the even further away lighthouse, dismally visible from there.

“So?” Kate prompted them.

Max and Nathan looked at each other, a silent agreement between them.

“Kate” he started warmly, sitting down where he stood. “I can only tell you my part…but its as good as the beginning”

And so, Nathan bared his soul, starting with his diagnosis when he was only 16, even when he had episodes since he was an infant, followed by the arrival of Mark Jefferson into Arcadia Bay, the agreement between his father and Mark and his subsequent cry for validation from Mr. Jefferson.

She remained silent and listened openly to his story, until he arrived at her involvement. He explained that he had once failed to Jefferson although he didn’t elaborate on that and Jefferson had appointed him the task of luring her into the Dark Room. He explained how scared he was, but that ‘ _a friend’_ (Victoria she guessed) had convinced him that Kate needed to unwind, and he didn’t think twice to invite her to the Vortex Club party and dose her some.

“It started as any other party, we were so surprised of your reaction, you went on kissing every guy you could spot…I didn’t even think on stopping you, I thought you were having fun, we’ve all been there at some point” he continued “But then, you started to crash hard and you asked me for help, it was too good of a chance to prove to him that I could still learn, that I wasn’t a failure” he carried on “I called him to tell him he should be ready and he said he would be at the Bunker in half an hour” By then, Nathan could not meet her eyes anymore, ghosts of that night tormenting him as well as her. “I took you there, he dosed you some more, he likes to photograph innocence and surrender, he says… I knew it was wrong, but he’s such a good photographer so I convinced myself that the end justifies the means and assisted his session…y-you kept muttering my name, and I continued to ignore my conscience, because he was pleased and no harm was done, I convinced myself” he carried on “It took a couple of hours and then I drove you back to the party, where I’m sure you woke up hours later

“I’m so sorry Kate” he was openly crying now, “I’m so-so sorry”

Kate continued silent, tears streamed down her cheeks, but her eyes were hard, she was angry, and she had every right to be.

“Nothing else happened?” She pressed on.

Nathan shoo his head no, “No, it was wrong I know it now, I think I always knew it” he lamented.

Max took a loud breath, pulling the attention to her.

“T-that’s not all the story Kate…” Max offered, her voice only slightly disengaged. “But the rest of the story is real bat shit crazy, and I need to know if you can handle any more information”

“What can be worse than this, Max?”

“It gets worse, and that is why we need you to understand what its at stake and why we need you”

“I-I” Max seemed uncertain at how to deliver the next blow, there was not a sane way to explain that time was playing with them. “A week ago, I was at Jefferson’s class and I had a vision, a tornado was going to destroy Arcadia Bay and everyone within…” And so Max started to deliver her story to Kate, she told her about Madsen’s harassment and how in another time she had stopped him; and about her suicide on her timeline, how she hadn’t been able to stop her then and how it had broken her irreparably, Max relied to her all the times she had tried to save her friend. And to their horror Max relied to them their road to uncover the truth behind Rachel’s death.

“It wasn’t your fault, Nathan…you might have acted wrongly, but you didn’t kill her” She assured him “There is this photo, where Rachel is probably already dead and you are lying by her side, also passed out…” A sob escaped her voice “I think he also used you” She still withheld the information of where they could find Rachel, but then things got worse as she relied Chloe’s ultimate death in hands of Mr. Jefferson, Nathan’s and Victoria’s death and her night with Jefferson.

“I d-don’t remember much, just like you; I was heavily drugged at his mercy” she was back in that room, her panicked eyes unable to differentiate that moment and this reality. “He photographed me, and I’m aware that at some point he undressed me some” Tears streamed openly down now. “I don’t know what happened and I will never know now, because in a way it never happened…but I know he did more than take his sick twisted photos.” Nathan could feel nausea and vomit raising, barely moving in time to retch by the bushes framing the clearing of the cliff where they were. “I was able to escape only because I traveled back to the beginning, and I tried so hard, Kate” She tried to convince her friend. “I tried so hard to spare everyone from the pain, bringing Jefferson down… but I failed every time” Max continued her story until the moment of her hiding in the bathroom only yesterday after seeing the destruction take over Arcadia Bay and take with it too many people.

Kate was watching them intently, they had bared their souls to her and she was not inclined to believe the story about the time travel, but Max knew too much of things that were impossible to know unless she had actually been there in another time, where she had shared much more with Max.

Kate made up her mind, and as an answer, she hugged Max. Both hanging onto the other one for dear life. Each of them grieving for their loss in this and many other lost timelines.

“You are so brave, Max” Kate told her. “You are so, so brave” she carried on trying to calm her friend.

Nathan approached them silently, not knowing what to do for them. After an eternity, they composed themselves and by then the Arcadia Sun was setting in the horizon.

“I can’t forgive what you did, Nathan” Max told him.

“I understand” He said, because, what else could he say?

“But I will give you a chance because you are trying” she finalized.

It was more than he could’ve asked, truly.

“You have to denounce him, only you can bring him down” she continued. A wrenching fear taking over him. “You have to confess to your participation as well”

“I know” He breathed out, he did know, he had to face his consequences.

“But…” He looked at them “But there is something that I only thought the other day, and that would complicate things, so I need time and your help if we are to unearth one of Arcadia Bay’s most dangerous secrets” he continued “My father, he gave that Dark Room to Jefferson, and he provided for everything Jefferson asked – at the time, I thought it was because he was trying to appease me, but the other day It got me thinking that my father doesn’t really do any charity

“What if he is in deep with Jefferson?” He pointed “What if there are more psychos that benefit from Jefferson’s hobby? And if my father is one of them or a sponsor even, then what is to say that he won’t silence us? We need to know for sure before we plan what we can do to stop all this nightmare.

“I will go down with them, I swear that I will pay for my participation, I won’t run from my responsibility in all this, this is what I can vow for”

“We – I will be with you, Nathan” Kate said, “Maybe then will I be able to forgive you”

“I won’t let anything happen to you, Nathan” Max looked at him “We will go through this together”

Nathan didn’t know how the future would play, he knew that he would have to pay his due, but at that moment where two of his victims reassured him, he was felt hope.

 _‘What did I do to deserve this’_ He thought, but for the first time in his life, he thought those words with a sense of hope not dread.

**

They had walked Kate to Principal Well’s office, she had asked for an absence leave to be with her family and go to a support program. She knew that she needed help and Max told her that it had helped her in the other timeline.

They had waited for her to come out and when she did, her father was to pick her up and her family would be by her side soon.

“Max, you are so strong, I hope you know that, you went through worse than me, but here you are…saving my life and trying to bring him down” Kate said to Max, wrapping her tightly in her arms. “I’ll always be there for you, I love you, Max” Max hugged the other girl as hard as she was being held.

“Thank you, Kate, it means the world to me” She said letting go “And this time I’m not alone” She continued, looking at Nathan.

“Is such a strange sight, I don’t know if I will ever get used to it” Kate joked lightly.

“There is nothing that brings people closer than death” Nathan quipped grimly.

Not an hour later Kate was gone, and they were exhausted but honestly relieved that they had been able to save Kate from her demons.

**

Nathan hadn’t waited for Max’s prompt, with his hands in his jacket and mildly hunched he walked resolutely to Max’s room, fortunately for both, no one was really around to raise questions of why Nathan Prescott was going to Max’s room instead of Victoria’s, but there he was, in the middle of Max’s room, deep in thought.

At Max’s arrival to her own room, he exhaled long, like a balloon losing all its pressure, deflated.

“Why didn’t you tell me that Jefferson might have abused you further?” Nathan asked as soon as Max closed her door.

“Nathan, I don’t want to go into that” She answered brokenly, she had put her arms around herself, as if guarding herself.

“Fuck! Caulfield” He pulled her by the hand, wrapping her tightly in his arms. “You cannot bottle this kind of shit inside!” He pushed harshly. “It will kill you” He breathed out; but hadn’t it already killed her?

“No wonder why you wanted to off yourself so badly, I don’t know how you keep it together” He continued, one of his hands around her waist, the other coddling her head, running his fingers though her soft tresses.

“We will never know what happened, Nathan, I don’t want to dwell on that” she said into his chest, her hands bunching in the sides of his jacket. “I don’t think he did…that…” but then, what else happened, he read her.

“Caulfield” He said, his lips in her hair, his arms safely around her.

Max couldn’t understand where these feelings were coming from, but to her surprise, it felt natural and safe, and she would pay with all she had to remain in that moment in time, safely wrapped in the arms of none other than Nathan Prescott.

Life was, indeed, strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be a good time to tell you that I'm demi aro/ace...so a lot of the fluff will be wrapped in a blanket of uncertainty and anxiety...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no self-control...

Nathan had refused to leave Max alone after that, and thus, he found himself waking up in her sofa, it wasn’t that late, they’d fallen asleep propelled by sheer exhaustion shortly after their heart to heart. Soft whimpers had risen him from a deep slumber.

After hearing the whimpers again, he approached Max, who was trashing in her sleep, he sat by the edge of her bed reaching for her shoulder and shaking it softly.

“Max, wake up, you’re dreaming” he whispered almost sweetly to her. “Max” He insisted softly.

Max opened her eyes, flustered. Upon seeing Nathan and his hand in her shoulder she started crying softly.

“Shh! Max, come on, I’m not made up for this” He joked sweetly, running his hand up and down her arm. That comment earned him a broken laugh.

“Gods you are useless” She told him. In any other tone of voice, it would’ve been harsh, but a smile was hidden in the corner of her lips, her eyes shone slightly into the darkness and she pulled herself to him, wrapping herself in his arms.

“Nathan, we know each other from two days, what are we doing?” She asked.

“Has it, really?” He said untangling himself from her, signaling her to scooch. He sat by the head of her bed; legs slightly ajar and reached for her, pulling her into his arms again. She turned slightly around to see him. “For me it’s been a week, but with all that has happened, might as well be months” He continued. “It has been a roller-coaster, I’ve been forced to see you die time and time again, we are connected because in a way I helped to create your pain, but the origin of that pain also connects us” he smiled ruefully. “We just saved your friend and she is now away from harm’s way and working on her issues-

“You come from another timeline, where you saw me get beaten time and time again, you witnessed my downfall and listened to what must have been my last words before the same psycho who I idolized and kidnapped you, killed me – So tell me, Caulfield, has it really been two days?” He asked her.

There was no love between them, that much was clear. It was simply not the time for it. But something had brought them together and they shared complicity and pain. They were the only ones to understand the other, because they shared knowledge of time travel and the danger ahead. And they were the only ones who could pick up the pieces from the other. Moreover, the absence of love didn’t mean they weren’t developing feelings for the person they were discovering on the other; both broken in their own way, both thinking they were beyond repair, but seeing real potential on one another.

“Fuck, Caulfield” He bemoaned. “I-I don’t know what I’m doing! I had only Harry (my baby brother) to care for, and even him didn’t really need me. I am not used to care for others, but I do, I care about you” he said looking shyly at her. Her face showing surprise at his words. “I’m at loss here”

“You care about Victoria” She blurted before thinking.

“It’s not the same” he said honestly.

He looked painfully vulnerable, Max’s heart broke a little, what if all this time, the boy in front of her had been looking for a chance? A chance to belong, a chance to fit in, to care and be cared for.

Wasn’t exactly that what he had been searching for when he had involved himself with Jefferson? And wasn’t his father’s approval what he had been looking up to?

His last voice message haunted her, she could remember his regret and the pain in his voice. And that wasn’t the boy in front of her, this was a better version, maybe the version of his alternate universe, the one who had been her friend.

“I met another you, only for a couple of minutes” she confessed “He was my friend”

He looked at her, startled by the confession.

“I had traveled to the past, 5 years to be precise; It doesn’t matter what I did, however when I returned to the _‘present’_ , I was different, I was part of the Vortex club…” She smiled bashfully at him. “And for a second I was Victoria’s friend – In front of me was a different Nathan, one who wasn’t angry” she continued “Your jacket was blue” she chuckled. “I was very worried at the moment, I had to find my friend Chloe– “

“Price?” He interrupted.

“Yes, she is the friend I tried to save again and again” she confessed.

“Did we – did we speak? In that timeline, I mean”

“No, but when I ran on you all, you sent me messages, you seemed worried about me-”

“Did I seem…” He didn’t elaborate more, but she understood.

“You seemed more serene, happy even…” She answered.

“I wonder what the difference between that Nathan and me was-” He wondered sadly.

“He seemed healthy…” she elaborated “Maybe you found a treatment that worked? I remember the story you told Kate, about your diagnosis and how the meds had affected more than helped”

“I was never one to follow up instructions, so even with the correct meds…” he looked longingly at her.

“We will never know for sure, but Nathan-”

“Nate…call me Nate” He interrupted.

“I don’t know” She smirked at him “Sometimes you’ll be Nathan, others you definitely will be Prescott, but I can try with Nate” she said playfully.

“I’d like that” He smirked at her.

“I’ll help you” She offered suddenly.

“W-what about?” He asked confused.

“I will help you with your meds, if you’d like to” she hid her face from him.

“Hey” he reached for her “Thanks, it means a lot; but I can be a prick, and -”

“And I didn’t know that?” She joked.

“Right…” he said amused.

“We should sleep” She said awkwardly, air had gotten a little bit too stuffy.

“Alright” Nathan said, starting to stand.

“Stay?” She looked panicked for a second.

“Sure” he sighed, missing the days where he could sleep at the sound of his whales, on his bed.

“Where are you going?”

“Couch?”

“Not tonight, please?” She tended her hand to him.

He took it and they avoided the awkwardness of the situation by getting ready for bed in her cramped space.

She laid face to wall, he was in his back, one leg dangling down.

“G’nite, Nate” She said trying his pet name.

“Sleep, Caulfield” He answered.

**

Nathan had never spent the night in a bed with a girl, except those nights he couldn’t quite remember, when he had had to sneak out of said girl’s room. But never, in his life, had he woken up to a mouthful of hair and a snuggled Max.

She was on her side, almost in a fetal position, her front to his front. Her head to his chest and he had a hand on top of her shoulders, as if he had reached out for her during the night, she had unsurprisingly hoarded the duvet, but he realized he didn’t care, she was a very effective thermostat.

To avoid the awkwardness and honor his tradition, he was careful not to wake her up, it was still early and she could squeeze a couple more hours of sleep. Nathan sneaked out her room, finding himself face to face with a VERY surprised Victoria.

“Nathan?” She asked confused, because there was absolutely no way that she just caught Nathan Prescott sneaking out of Maxine Caulfield’s room

“Shhhh!” He urged her into silence “Not here” he whispered and pulled her into her own room across the hall.

“Nathan, WTF!” she shrilled “You’ve been M.I.A. since Monday, people had been gossiping in the hallways how they’ve seen you too cozy with Caulfield, but I thought, _‘No, he wouldn’t’_ and here we are, I caught you SNEAKING out from her room!!”

He looked at her peeved, waiting for her rant to run its way.

“You knew, Nathan! You know what a pain in my ass she has been since classes started, always trying to call Mark’s attention!”

“Mark? Are we on first name basis now?”

“Don’t go jealous on me when I just caught you coming from Caulfield’s room!”

“First, I’m not jealous…but you shouldn’t –” He exhaled exasperated “Whatever…second…It’s not how it seems”

“How Nathan? How is it not how it seems?” She pushed.

“Now who is jealous, Chase?” He laughed. 

“I’m not jealous! I’m concerned!!” She screeched.

“A lot has happened recently” He offered “It’s not my place to tell you”

“Give me something, Nathan”

“You will have to go to your grave with this, if you want me to tell you” He threatened.

“Cross my heart and all that…” She said eagerly.

Nathan sighed and rubbed his face, buying some time “She tried to kill herself, I stopped her” he answered finally.

“And what? You want to keep her now?” She scoffed “She’s not a puppy, Nate- I’m sure she will be fine”

“You don’t mean it, Vic” He said knowingly.

“Of course not” She sighed heavily. “You know me too well”

“I’d be preoccupied if I didn’t” he laughed.

“Just tell me, are you interested in her?”

“Would you be nice if that was the case?”

“Nathan!!”

“I don’t know, Victoria” He sighed. “I don’t know”

“Fuck…I’ll have to play nice to Caulfield now…”

“Fuck off, Vic” He laughed and left the room.

**

It was just Wednesday, but it felt like much more time had passed, and in a sense, it really had been longer, so falling back to a routine where they went to classes was to put it mildly, strange.

A lifetime ago, Max was waking up at Chloe’s and they were ready to uncover Rachel’s relationship with Frank Bowers. But this time neither felt inclined to be around each other nor other people, so falling into ‘routine’ was the easiest way out.

People started to gossip about Kate’s absence, they gossiped about the video and Max still defended her to whoever listened to her; Nathan minded his own business having pulled the video wherever he could, it seemed to him a reasonable enough effort, and so, he only went about with classes and life.

It was late afternoon that Nathan got a call from Mark Jefferson, psychopath extraordinaire; disrupting the odd relaxing day he was having.

“Nathan, I need you to meet me tonight at the Dark Room” Jefferson ordered, more than asked.

His order was met by dread and silence from Nathan’s side.

“Nathan, did you hear me?”

“Yes”

“I need you to bring me more Ketamine, I plan to have…a guest…soon enough”

“Someone I know?”

“You seem pretty friendly with her lately, yes, which will help us” Mark chuckles grimly. “She refuses to deliver her submission for the _Everyday Heroes_ contest, so I will have to get…creative”

Nathan’s mouth went dry in an instant, for sure he didn’t mean “Max” he said aloud.

“Indeed! It will be my absolute pleasure to portrait her descent into corruption, it will be…delightful”

“I’ll talk to Bowers, see if he has any Ket available, I’ll message you if that is ok?” Nathan said dryly

“You did such a good job last time Nathan, please don’t disappoint me again, I’ll meet you tonight”

“W-wait…I have something else tonight with Father…can we meet at Blackwell? You only need the Ket, right?”

“I guess that’ll do, for now” Mr. Jefferson seemed almost gleeful. “I can tell you more about taking sweet Max into the Dark Room, that Vortex Party will come in handy– See you in my classroom tonight” And he disconnected.

Nathan felt dreadful, he would need to ask Max if she wanted to play decoy…

No

He would never allow Jefferson to hurt her again, she’d had enough, and even thinking about what Mark had planned for her spiraled Nathan into despair.

Nathan’s breath became dragged, painfully fast, his sight whirling and couldn’t quite concentrate on what to do. He just kept repeating over and over again ‘no’

It could have been hours, or minutes, when he came about, probably passing out after his panic attack, he found himself in the floor of his room. He couldn’t quite decide what to do, he understood that he needed to share this information with Max, but he couldn’t stop thinking that maybe he could end all this and spare her from meeting Jefferson in any fashion ever again. So, he decided to play his part to buy some time. After all, T _he End of The World_ was until tomorrow.

_-Need Oxy and Ket-_

Nathan sent message to Frank.

_-Sorry, I’m out-_

_-I’ll pay double-_

_-Meet me at American Rust, 30 min-_

He took his wallet and his keys.

**

15 min later he was at American Rust, in the usual spot by the boat, he could see some bullets lying around, he hadn’t thought to bring his gun to the meeting, he was now kind-of regretting it.

“You stood me up, asshole” He heard someone call him, turning around he could see Chloe Price approaching him, he hadn’t seen her truck, to be honest, that truck looked like it belonged to the junkyard.

“I’ve been busy” He replied dryly.

“There’s no moment like the present, then, rich boy” she said snarkily.

“So, what do you want, Price?” The fight went off him remembering that quite literally, Max had given it all to keep this girl alive.

“What do you think, jackass? Dough, don’t we all poor bastards only need that from the Prescotts?”

“I guessed, but it’s not my money-“

“Do you prefer me to go to Daddy, rich boy?”

“Leave my father out of this!” It was the first thing that had gotten a rise out of Nathan.

“Oh-ho! So touchy!” She ridiculed. “It’s not even that much, golden boy, I just need 5k”

“And you think I carry that amount everywhere?” He growled at her getting impatient.

“You can pay-up later, Richie Rich” She said

“Talk about paying” a voice intervened, Pompidou following him faithfully.

“Hi, Frank” Chloe’s voice changed, less brawl and more afraid.

“She owes you, Bowers?” Nathan asked.

“Not that it is any of your business, but yes, Punkie here owes me big”

“I’m working on it, Frank-”

“Yeah, for what understand, you have shit on rich boy, here” He laughed at her. “What about I make things easier for you? He pays me and I leave you alone, but you leave my best customer in peace too, what do you say Pompidou? Aren’t I the best mediator?” Frank congratulated himself.

“Ok, Frank, w-whatever you say – I want no bone” Chloe said, she didn’t look like it was fine by her, after all she had asked much more than she owed, but Frank was not giving her an option, she knew. “You got off easy, Prescott” she snarled as she walked away hurriedly to her truck.

“So, what was that about?” Nathan asked.

“She asked me for 3K to fix that trash can on wheels of hers” Frank answered as he passed Nathan a small bundle. “So only for you, it’s 3.5 grand”

“Peachy…” Nathan looked at the contents, a bottle of Ketamine and a small bag with 5 pills. “Here” he passed the money to Bowers. “Keep your bitch at bay” he said to Bowers, referring to Chloe.

“A pleasure to do business with the Prescotts, as always!” Frank said dismissively as Nathan walked away to his truck.

**

Nathan arrived at his room, all at once everything was overwhelming, the walls were collapsing on him and he felt like clawing himself out of his skin; were he not wearing his jacket, scratch marks would decorate his skin, adding themselves to his ever-present collection.

The pictures in his walls were crushing him, every girl was Rachel, every frame was Max. Nathan trashed his room, nobody would come to check on him by the noise, but after his fit, not one frame was spared. Splinters of wood and acrylic laid everywhere, the only photo on his walls was a selfie he had pilfered from Max the first time he had been in her room, he still couldn’t understand his sudden impulse to take one memento.

His breathing still agitated, some scratches on his hands, altogether, not that bad, but cleaning would be bothersome, maybe he could call the cleaning service.

- _I’m waiting, Nathan-_

_-5 min-_

He took the bag with the pills and the bottle, he was going to leave the pills, but he could do with some relief, so he swallowed one, leaving the rest on his bed.

**

Nathan found Jefferson admiring a polaroid on his desk. It seemed a photo from Max.

“Here’s the Ketamine” he said, his voice absent of any inflection

“You’re trashed, Nathan” Jefferson faked concern was abhorrent for Nathan.

“Yes, well, meeting Sean is always stressful”

“Ah! What did he want?”

“All that rubbish about the Prescott name, again”

“Well, I have a little project for us, come, come look” He pushed Max’s polaroid to him “Isn’t she delightful? It will be a treat to watch her descent, I can almost taste her, I mean…it…” he said excitedly. “Is she invited to the Vortex Party tomorrow? It would be the perfect opportunity” he continued, not noticing that Nathan was green with disgust. “You can prepare her for me, I will pick her up from the locker room, nobody will notice her leaving, it will be so precious!” He wet his lips; Nathan had never seen him like that. “You are not invited this time; it will only be her and me…but I promise to share the outcome with you” he pointed out. “Although it would be good if you say goodbye to her, she might not come back to Blackwell…such a pity, two missing girls in one year”

Nathan lunged for the trashcan by the door, pouring his non-existent contents, mostly bile.

“You are pitiful, Nathan!” Jefferson complained “Go, make sure to remember this conversation and I’ll see you tomorrow night” Mr. Jefferson returned to admire Max’s photograph. Even leaving that piece of paper behind seemed like a betrayal of some kind to Max; but he was a coward, and as such, he pivoted where he was and rushed back to his room.

He didn’t remember arriving to the dorms, or the way to his room, he didn’t remember crossing Warren, nor Warren’s undeserved concern, Nathan didn’t remember taking the water bottle by his desk, and he absolutely can’t recall taking all the pills at once and washing them down with water or unearthing some Risperidone he had not touched from last week and taking a bunch of it too, soon he was lying on his floor, looking up as the roof moved out of focus, ignoring his cellphone ringing.

**

Max hadn’t heard from Nathan all day; she had woken up to an empty bed. She was beyond confused as to why had she asked him to stay in her bed, she had been scared to fall asleep and be alone after waking up from her nightmare, where Mark Jefferson starred as her personal demon; however she had surprised herself when she had asked Nathan to stay with her. She had been even more surprised that he had accepted.

She dragged herself through the motions of an average day, she tried to avoid thinking of Nathan, had exchanged some messages with Kate and her own parents. It was moments like those that she missed Chloe, she would bitch about everything, but ultimately, she would distract her, even amuse themselves.

By nightfall she surrendered to her worry over Nathan and wrote to him, she had written him 5 messages, all of them had been delivered, but none read, and she suspected something could be wrong. Decidedly she left her room to find him, outside her room she found Victoria Chase looking strangely at her.

“Caulfield” Victoria called. “Have you seen Nathan today?”

“No” She answered intrigued at Victoria’s acknowledging her. “I’m on my way to his room, actually” she offered.

“I’ll come with you” She decided. Max shrugged.

Upon arrival Max met a thrashed room, Victoria rushed to an unconscious Nathan. He was pale and seemed to have vomited himself.

“He’s not breathing, Max” Victoria screeched.

Max hurried to his side, uncaring of all the splinters around them. Clinically she remembered a CPR lesson she had had at her old school. She searched Nathan’s mouth to his throat ruling out that there was something obstructing his windpipe, finding nothing she positioned him completely horizontal and raised slightly his head, and she breathed into his mouth, 10 compressions on the gut, breath in, breath out, repeat. After a couple of rounds, he coughed and Max rolled him to his side.

“Nathan!!” Victoria threw herself on him, openly crying.

“He has to puke, Victoria, if we want to avoid going to ER” Max told her.

“Nathan, why!!? Why would you do this?!” Nathan was unresponsive to Victoria’s instigation.

“Victoria, help me move him!” Max startled the panicked girl “He needs to puke”

“Eww, Max” She answered. Max had forgotten how ridiculous Victoria could be, but it was refreshing in this situation, grounding her for what she had to do.

“You hold him up” Max said, putting Nathans trashcan by his side, she leaned forward and triggered his gag reflex until only bile came out. It was by far the most disgusting experience she had ever faced, but she was unconcerned by it, saving his life was the priority. Victoria’s retching and disgust would’ve been funny if it weren’t for her own concern over Nathan. How long had he been like that? Not long, she still could see some pill lumps on his vomit, he needed water, so she chased his half empty bottle and pushed it to his lips, he drank, still unresponsive.

“What should we do, Max?!” Victoria asked, she was still freaked.

“Either we wait, or we take him to the hospital” She answered, “He doesn’t seem feverish, and he is responding ok-ish…” Max pointed out. “I can keep an eye on him tonight, call an ambulance if something changes” She carried on.

“I’ll stay too” Victoria said decisively. “Oh, Nathan…What did you do to your room…” she asked idly.

Max decluttered Nathan’s bed, throwing everything to the floor, she was proud of him for trashing all those horrible pictures that had decorated his room, but what had triggered this episode? Had it been accumulated stress? He had been fine, for several days if you counted the times he had gone back in time to save her.

“Help me lie him on his bed” She bossed Victoria, fact that was not overlooked by the blonde. She helped Max anyway, she had saved her best friend, after all.

“We just need to focalize the wreckage” Victoria told Max. “I can call the cleaning service tomorrow morning. I’ll leave you for a moment, I need to bring more water for Nathan.” She said dismissively, Max understood that maybe, like herself, Victoria needed some time alone to digest the last 30 minutes.

Mechanically, Max started to drag waste to a corner by his desk, while she worked, she noticed the same selfie she had found in the other timeline, it was the only picture still glued to the walls of his room. It was times like this one, that she understood that all the versions of the people she had met were the same person at root.

After some minutes, the couch, the floor by the nightstand and his bed had been decluttered. She had managed to score a couple of blankets for herself and Victoria. After all the motions were completed she allowed herself to sit by Nathan’s side, it reminded her of the time she had assisted Chloe’s death, but in this case, she had saved a life, maybe the first time she had managed to do so, and without borrowed time.

“Max” Nathan whispered, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes still closed.

“I’m here” She answered, brushing his damp hair from his face.

“Max” He repeated, this time opening his eyes. “Max don’t” he said, his eyes unfocused. He was seeing something else, something invisible to her. Maybe a hallucination.

“Shhh!” She prompted him, “I’m here, I will be here when you wake up” she repeated, brushing her fingers through his hair tenderly. “Rest, Nathan” She ordered him, taking his hand on hers and squeezing slightly.

Victoria entered the room and assessed the picture in front of her, Max tried to disengage her hand from his, but he held on relatively hard. She didn’t actually want to part, so she stayed put facing the blonde.

“You’ll have to tell me what’s going on” Victoria told Max.

“It’s not my story to tell” Max answered, “He will tell you whenever he’s ready.”

“He told me it was your prerogative”

“He helped me, yes” Max confirmed, not giving more explanation. “But whatever prompted this, I don’t know” She finished.

“I’m not talking about this, he’s had this kind of fits for years, not as severe, but I’ve been where you are before” Victoria commented. “But I don’t know where this closeness between you came from”

“As he put it before…’ _Nothing brings people closer than death’”_ Max answered.

“I guess” Victoria watched them with inquisitive eyes. “Is that blanket for me?” Victoria asked reaching for it”

“Yes”

“I’ll take the couch; you take his bed” Said Victoria removing her shoes and not giving Max an actual choice on the matter. But Max didn’t move, she stayed where she was for a long time. Listening to Victoria’s soft snores and watching Nathan sleep.

Eventually she pulled Nathan’s chair from the desk and fell asleep there, holding Nathan’s hand through the night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Orenji, EpicGoldenGamer and zero_percent_angel. I swear sometimes I update only to see your messages on my Inbox.

Nathan woke up, he felt like death. His mouth felt filled with cotton, a piercing headache behind his closed eyelids. He heard someone moaning, he realized it was him, his pain vocalized.

In his haze he felt a coldness to his forehead, he followed the feeling, trying to drag it over his whole face, it felt so good. The coldness spread, it was over the side of his face as well, a satisfied hum left his lips.

Distant voices captivated his attention, they sounded hurried, insistent, but so kind. He decided he liked waking up to that. The coldness left his face, he moaned again, begrudging its absence.

The buzz of the voices grew insistent, it wasn’t so nice now. He was confused as to why the coldness had left him, he liked it, it should be back.

Seconds dragged to minutes, someone pushed a glass with water to his lips after struggling to right him, he drank greedily. A mouthful of it escaped his lips and ended up cooling his chest, dragging down, down, down. He did it again, he felt overheated, coolness was good.

A distant chuckle. It warmed him, but it was different than the heat on his skin, this was fuzzy, good.

The coldness returned to his face, he hummed content. He didn’t ask more from life.

“Nathan” He understood now, the same voices he’d heard but closer, more articulated this time. He recognized this voice. He couldn’t recall where he’d heard it, but he liked those voices too.

“Nathan, open your eyes”

Another moan escaped his lips, he didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to open his eyes either, this numbness was better.

 _‘Numbness is only another way to describe an overwhelmed system’_ an old therapist had told him once; he still didn’t understand why numbness was bad.

“Nathan” It was her, her voice was close. It wasn’t kind anymore, it was insistent, almost scared, angry maybe.

He opened his eyes and regretted it instantly. He saw shadows, colors, but he couldn’t quite focus.

“How are you feeling, Nathan?” He heard somewhere around him.

“Shh! He’s not focused, you’ll overwhelm him”

“Don’t coddle him, Caulfield!” same voice screeched. Victoria, he recognized.

“Nathan” Max, he thinks.

“Max!” He says, opening his eyes at full and sitting abruptly in bed. The room swam around him, pain cut his head in two. He pressed his skull with both hands.

“It hurts? I hope it does!” He heard Victoria say from somewhere close, he had closed his eyes again. Trying to focus again.

“Victoria, you’re not helping” Max insisted.

“Oh, but I am! He will snap out of it if only to shut me up” She continued noisily.

“She’s not wrong” Nathan said, his tongue dragging.

“Here, have some more water, please try to drink it this time” Max chuckled beside him.

Nathan opened one eye; it was better than opening both. He saw Max standing by his bedside, water glass posed for him to drink from. He took the glass from her and downed it in one big gulp.

“Easy, there’s more water” Max said.

“What happened?” Nathan asked.

“We were hoping you’d tell us” Max answered.

“What is the last thing you remember, Nathan?” Victoria asked, he had finally located her, she was sitting on his couch, legs crossed, shoeless. A blanket by her side sloppily discarded. By his bed was his chair, a blanket folded on top of it.

“You slept in the chair?” Nathan asked searching for Max’s blue eyes, his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“I did” She confirmed. “I know, I look like shit, Victoria already told me”

“Why?” He asked confused.

“Nathan, focus” She said “What is the last thing you remember?”

He closed his eyes to isolate the effects of light for a moment. He remembered meeting Bowers, coming back to Blackwell and he went on to meet…

“Fuck!” He blurted.

“He remembers now, he always does” Victoria explained.

“Well?” Max insisted.

“I can’t tell you” he answered, his eyes begging her to not push the matter.

“Nathan” She uttered; exhaustion clear in her voice.

“Please don’t push me, Max” he begged, “I can’t tell you, I’ll disappoint you”

“Right” Victoria said. “I think I will make myself scarce…I’ll come back after supervising on the Vortex’s party.” She approached him, Max moving aside. “Please don’t do this again” she begged him. Victoria kissed his forehead and walked away.

“Take care of him, Max” She said from the doorway. “Try not to kill him?” And she was gone.

“What happened, Nathan?”

“I overdosed, didn’t I?” He asked.

“Almost, we arrived on time, but you were in bad shape” Max answered.

“I-I didn’t mean to, I wasn’t trying to die, or something…” He explained. “I felt overwhelmed, I just wanted everything to stop for a minute or two, push pause for a moment, you know?” He offered, looking her directly to the eye.

“I do, but…Fuck, Nathan! You scared the shit out of me!” Max admonished.

“I’m sorry” He felt repentant. “I’m sorry I scared you” He reached for her hand.

“Nate…what happened?” She insisted.

“Fuck, Max! If I tell you, promise me you will not act rashly” He begged her.

“I can’t promise that” she answered.

“I’m scared, Max” he confessed.

“Tell me, I can promise that I won’t do anything without you” She negotiated.

“I’m not sure that appeases me” he confessed.

“It’s my only offer” She nudged his shoulder.

“Fine, but you’ll want to sit for this one” And so, he told her. He narrated the whole story since the message from Jefferson, he confessed to meeting Bowers and Chloe; thrashing his room and meeting Jefferson, he confessed on giving him the drugs, he told her part of Mr. Jefferson plans, he couldn’t repeat half of what he’d said, what he had implied; and he told her how he’d lost it, begging her to understand how sorry he was for scaring her.

“It happens sometimes, but this time I wanted to mute my thoughts completely, I thought it’d be enough” He deadpanned. “I’m so-so sorry, Max”

“I’m kind-of paying my debt to you, am I not?” She tried to joke.

“No, Max – I would never want you to see me die as I did” He said honestly, painfully so.

“And what were you going to do? Were you planning on leaving me here, tie me up and hope he didn’t come for me?” She asked. “Nathan, today not only does he shot Chloe and kidnaps me…in the other timeline, he killed you today too” She caressed his cheek softly. “I don’t want to hear your last words again” a tear escaped her eyes.

“I’d do it, Max” he cupped her hand on his cheek. “I’d die happily knowing you’d be safe”

“Nate, it was horrible the last time that we kind of hated each other” She cried. “Imagine what it would do to me if I were to lose you now” She begged him to understand.

“I feel the same Caulfield” he said kissing the palm of her hand, a lightening ran up her arm. “I don’t want you anywhere close to Mark Jefferson”

“We’ll think of something, we still have some hours to spare” She tried to comfort him, tried to lie to herself.

“Are you going to tell me now, why did you sleep in the chair?” He looked at her amused, but the question was sincere, and she could notice this.

Max blushed prettily. “I-I felt like you needed space and rest” She couldn’t look him in the face.

Nathan reached a hand to her and took her chin lightly in his hand. “Max, I don’t need space from you…you might be the only person in the world that grounds me”

“Fine way to prove it…overdosing” She smiled sadly leaning in his hand.

“I’ll make it up to you” He said reaching for her, pulling her into his arms, she followed without resistance.

“I don’t want him to win, Nate” she said into his chest. “But more than that, I don’t want to lose this” she said as she hugged his waist tightly.

“I wasn’t lying when I told you that you ground me, Caulfield; I-I’m not a nice guy, I don’t think I can ever be. But I want to be better, less of an ass and healthy, for you, is it creepy?” He asked pulling her harder into his arms.

Nathan felt overwhelmed, maybe it was the imminent sense of loss or the fact that she was managing to change his life for the better in so little time…and time, time was obviously on his side.

“Caulfield…” Nathan pulled away from her slowly, looking down at her. She had unshed tears, but her blue eyes were mesmerizing. “Max…” He was leaning in now, hoping she wouldn’t deny him.

She reached a hand to his nape, pulling in slowly, their eyes locked and their breathing heavier by the second, the distance between them seemed infinite, as if the wait was eternal.

Max’s lips touched his, a barely there kiss, just a whisper of a touch as their eyes closed, a taste of belonging. Nathan opened his eyes and rested his forehead to hers, their breaths mingling sweetly, she remained with her eyes closed. Nathan pushed his lips once again to hers, she matched his pace and twisted in his arms to get a better angle. Lips sweet yet urgent, conveying their longing, their fear and a new beginning, a timeline not yet explored

A few days ago, these feelings made no sense, they didn’t fit in their lives; however, as time felt the need to intertwine them, it brought to them so much more than second chances.

They were now lying side by side in bed, looking into each other’s eyes, arms tangled in each other.

“Nathan” Max said his name as she reached for his lips with her hand, tracing them softly. “I think I have an idea”

Reality came crashing down for him. With a heavy exhale, he disentangled himself from her arms. “Right” he said. “No time like the present and all that”

“Nathan, please” She said reaching for him “I didn’t mean it like that”

“No, I know Max, I know” He brushed his hands through his hair, ebbing frustration away, because it was true, as good as this moment had felt, it was not the moment to indulge. “I’m not going to like it, am I?”

She let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “It depends, my idea will buy us time, but…It will erase all I know about the future, from now on we would be blind, and I’m not sure my powers work, or if you will be able to go back on time anymore”

“If it means that Jefferson is not taking you today, I’ll take my chances”

“I-I know where Rachel’s body is…”

“No”

“Nathan”

“They’ll send me away too, I’m not opposed to that, as long as he shares a cell with me”

“Don’t be dumb, I’m not going to involve you”

“What do you mean?”

“I need to talk to Frank”

“Bowers? How do you know him? Please don’t tell me you also…”

“No, Nathan. Although it’s rich coming from you…”

He did look apologetic and shamed by his assumption.

“He was involved with Rachel, they were together” She paused gauging his response. “If someone was more invested than Chloe in finding her, is him” she continued. “I’ll tell him part of the truth, that I was also taken and that I had run away, that I heard Jefferson say where he’d hidden Rachel’s body and with any luck, he will go for Jefferson’s head”

“I’ll come with you”

“No, Jefferson is coming for you regardless”

“No he isn’t, this time he’s expecting me to deliver you to him tonight, girls dressing room”

“Then you have a party to attend”

“I’m not leaving you” He challenged. “You said you’d do this with me”

“I am, and I need you to agree with this, please…”

“We’ll tell Victoria, she can…”

“No, I have to do this by myself, and you will have to trust me” she said taking his face in her hands. “Please, Nathan”

“I can’t, Max” He begged “please don’t ask me to abandon you”

“It’ll all be ok, I promise” Said Max, touching her lips softly to his.

Nathan enveloped her in his arms, as if willing her into safety, begging for this nightmare to be over.

**

American Rust looked just as she remembered it. She could still picture Chloe shooting at some bottles, making her hit every target, Frank pulling a gun to them and ultimately, Chloe’s death at Jefferson’s hands.

“Where is Nathan, who are you?” She heard Frank ask from behind her.

“I’m Max Caulfield, we have a common enemy” She explained.

“And who is that, little doe?”

“I know who killed Rachel” She confessed. He reacted as if someone had hit him, hard.

“She’s not dead, she ran away” Frank answered after being given time to recover.

“I was kidnaped not long ago, the person who took me had pictures of Rachel, there were pictures where she was bound, she was scared and ultimately, a photo where she is dead.” She deadpanned, not coming with a better way to deliver the news.

“She fought until the end if photos are any indication, someone drugged her, because I was drugged as well

“The last photo showed where she was buried”

“Do you have proof?” He asked menacingly.

“I’m not the enemy, Frank” She took a step back, her hands held in front of her.

“Speak! Tell me all you know!, My Lioness…” He sobbed her name.

“Mark Jefferson has this twisted hobby, he takes girls, photographs them and then releases them” Max explained. “Rachel and I were the exceptions.

“He accidentally killed her, he confessed, an overdose” Frank looked haunted, like he both wanted to know and wished he had never known “I arrived two months here, to Blackwell, people were talking of how she delivered drugs, but it didn’t make sense, so I thought you knew her”

“I do…I did” He sobbed openly. “She was my everything”

“A little over a week ago, I was abducted from a party and taken somewhere in the forest, I was taken by the same person and he described all the terrible things he’d do to me, I was lucky to escape”

“W-where is my Lioness?” He said, buying her story.

“She lies here, but you can’t move her, or the police will never pin her death to him…”

“Please, take me to her” He begged; his pain clawed at her heart.

And she did, it was a familiar sight, instead of Chloe with her heart broken, it was Frank. Death did have a way of merging the life of people.

“Who-who did this to her, tell me!”

“Mark Jefferson”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long, I was on vacations.  
> Yeah I know, Coronavirus and how irresponsible of me, but I live in Europe and we are able to go places (after 3 months holed up at home)  
> So here is the next part.  
> Let me know with ❤❤ if you're liking the story, help a gal.

Max watched as Frank mourned, true to his word, he hadn’t disturbed Rachel’s resting place, although she doubted he was going to leave justice into the police’s hands, hell, she was betting her life in the fact that he would go rampant on revenge.

Even if he only scared Jefferson away it would buy her time to double check if Nathan’s father had anything to do with the dark room, maybe a twisted rink she had not heard about before.

After what seemed an eternity Frank stood up, his nose runny and eyes red, she could hear Pompidou crying somewhere close, so she guessed that Frank had left him bound somewhere close.

“I’ll kill him” Frank said after looking Max in the eyes. “I’ll kill that fucker” The rage in his voice sealed it as an oath, to himself and to Rachel.

“Is that why you told me? You want me to kill him, right?” He realized.

Max nodded slightly. “If you kill him or not, I have no interest, but I will die today if nobody drives that psycho away from town soon” She said truthfully, Frank had a way to see through people’s bullshit. “You were my safest bet, but I’m not doing this only for my survival, I need time, because Mark Jefferson might not be the mastermind behind all this, and I want to tear them down” She explained.

“You think there are more?”

“Mark might be only the photographer, but the place where we were taken to belongs to someone of power, so it is not so far fetched to think that they might have an ulterior interest in this…hobby of his” Max explained.

“Nathan has something to do, doesn’t he?” Frank said raising his voice, despair and hate evident.

“No, he’s actually helping me, he lent the truck, he’s willing to help me uncover whatever is happening here” She tried to calm him.

“He’s a cockroach, don’t trust him”

“His Father is the cockroach, I trust Nathan with my life, he’s saved me before” She tried to appease him.

“Little Prescott grew a pair, huh?”

Max only giggled at his comment, because, what could she say.

“I’ll bite, little Max, I’ll hunt him down for as long as I can, but hear me out, his blood will be on my hands, no other justice is fit for him” Frank vowed.

“I have no sympathy for Mark Jefferson, he’s yours if the decision falls in my hands” She agreed.

“So, where do I find him?”

“He might be at Blackwell right now, but I also gathered a couple more places you might find him, his home, the place where we were taken to, even his gym” Max said handing him a paper with the addresses. “The only thing I ask of you is to give us all the time you can, call if you have any issues, Nathan will support us, but my number is in there too” She said.

“If my Lioness gets avenged, I will owe you one, Little Doe” Frank said, pain and hate mixed in his face, a glint in his eyes.

“I wish this hadn’t happened; I wish your pain wasn’t my best chance” She said truthfully.

“Don’t worry Little Doe, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, without Rachel…without her, there is nothing I have left, you’ve given me closure and a chance to avenge her. Don’t be so harsh on yourself” He patted (hit, really) her on the shoulder.

“Take this Frank” Said Max extending him Nathan’s gun. “It’s untraceable to you, maybe to Nathan’s father, but not to you”

“Oh ho ho!, Merry Christmas” Said taking the gun and holding it in front of him to inspect it. “Take this, I’ll find a new one and call you to this number if needed” Frank said extending her a disposable cellphone. “See you around, little Doe” He said pivoting where he stood and leaving her to cover Rachel’s body again; and she understood, it was too raw, too painful for him leave Rachel there, it wasn’t the easiest of things, knowing where someone was laid to rest, unable to do something for them at the moment.

Max walked towards Nathan’s truck, she had done what she could without using her powers, she could only hope this would work and drive Mark Jefferson away while they had time to investigate, and why not, rest after this hell of a week, weeks, really.

**

“So, how did it go?” Nathan asked when she climbed off the truck back at Blackwell, holding out his hand to take hers.

“As well as it could’ve, I guess” She was still anxious about what she had set in motion. “I-I gave him your gun” she came clean.

Nathan looked at her as if she was crazy, turned a little red, but after a minute or so of holding her stare he exhaled a long time, deflating. “It’s ok…It’s untraceable to me and after you…after you did that, I don’t want to see it again” He said, a little resigned. “Come her Caulfield” He said pulling her into his arms, not a second later all the pressure left her and found herself crying in his arms, wetting his shirt, not that he seemed to care.

“It will be fine” he repeated, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head as she cried. After what felt like hours, she let go of him, ashamed of her reaction and unwilling to show him her face, she could feel snot and tears drying in her skin.

“Don’t hide from me Caulfield” He said trying to make her look at him, but she didn’t give in. He sighed and took a packet of tissues for her. “Here, you crazy bitch” he said laughing softly. Max cleaned herself as much as possible, but for sure she was red and swollen after all the crying of the day.

“Max, please look at me” She looked at him now, his eyes worried, his thumb rubbing circles in her cheek, tying to calm her. “Max…” He whispered, and closed the remaining gap between the, crushing their lips together, softly, sweetly. She responded in kind, although she refused to deepen the kiss, mucus in her mouth and all those salty flavors from a good cry. All too soon she pushed him slightly away, smiling at him.

“Walk me to my room, Prescott, I’m sure Victoria will want to have her chance to kill you” She said.

“She actually already attempted to when I showed in the pool to help with the party, thought she’d push me in the pool and drown me there” He confessed taking her hand and walking beside her towards the dorms.

“Damn, I missed it! Think I can go back in time to have a peek?” She joked, relishing from the fact that his hand was in hers and she could pretend for a second that they were a normal new couple.

“Don’t even try it Caulfield, I’m sure you’ll have a repeat soon enough, she didn’t look like she was done with me when I sneaked out from the Gym” He teased, smiling sweetly at her.

“Max, what is this?” They heard someone ask from behind them.

“Warren, hi” Max said, turning around.

“What’s going on?” He pushed, frowning at their entwined hands.

“What does it look like, Graham?” Nathan interrupted.

“Nathan, it is not the time” Max admonished, turning towards Warren once again. “Nathan and I started dating” She said, answering her friend’s question.

“Why so sudden? I mean, you never mentioned him before” He tried to push.

“I’m sorry Warren, but this is none of your business” She said mourning the times her friend had been there for her in the other timeline, getting beaten and beating Nathan to a pulp as well, he could be dangerous if pushed, she knew, but now he was only hurt. “The important is that we are now, hope you can handle it?”

“Sure, Max…” Warren said, even when his eyes betrayed him, he thought she was crazy. “I guess I’ll see you around” and he left them there.

“Well, that went well…” She commented resuming her way to the dorms, pulling Nathan with her.

“Were you two…” Nathan asked uncertain.

“No, I mean, we used to talk about all the geek stuff, but nothing happened, we were only friends, even in the other timeline, nothing happened” She appeased him.

“I-I’m sorry Max, I don’t share well with others” He said sheepishly.

“Good thing I’m not something you have to _share_ , isn’t it?” She said with a glint in her eyes.

“Right” And Nathan let it go.

They arrived to Max’s dorm room and she excused herself to go have a quick shower, she felt all the sweat and anxiety from her night and subsequent chat with Frank, she had also cried too much, a shower would be nice. She tried to make him do the same, but he had showered when she’d left to talk to Bowers and refused to leave her alone.

She took all the time she wanted, she kinda felt she deserved it. Nobody went in the showers while she was there, after half an hour, with her body scrubbed clean, teeth brushed, hair dried and dressed in her trademark jeans and ingenious t-shirt, Max went back to her room, she found it empty, maybe Nathan had gone ahead to the party or gone to his own room. She was disappointed, but she also knew she had taken a lot of time to go back, still, not even a message…

**

Nathan had gone for a quick smoke, he was going to lay off all the drugs before he went in with the psychiatrist to have all his meds adjusted again, but he could still have a smoke once in a while, couldn’t he? That’s exactly how Victoria had found him outside the Girls dorms, she immediately beelined towards him and asked for a smoke of her own.

They stood side by side, not talking, but he knew she was only buying time before she went berserk on him with question, so he let her.

“So, Caulfield” She said after a while.

“Yeah…”

“Don’t give me that Nate, where did this sprang up from?” She enquired a little bit mad at him, he hadn’t said anything to her!

“It just did, she is….broken….like me” He said. “Well, not exactly like me, but you understand” He took another poof of his smoke.

“Is that it?” She asked, concerned.

“She needs me, do you know when was the last time someone needed me?” He said looking at his friend earnestly. “Never…It’s-It’s like my life is not empty, you know?”

“Yeah…” She said, looking away from him. “Am I going to lose you?” She asked, her voice wavering.

“No, Vic!” He said looking at his friend, she looked so fragile at that moment. “Never”

“I need you too, you know?” She said hugging him.

“I know, It’s just…”

“Different, I understand” She said sniffing and pushing him away, crisis averted. “But girlfriends tend to…”

“You are my best friend, Vic; and she knows it”

“And you mine” She said smiling at him. “She’s waiting for you, isn’t she?”

Nathan nodded, weighting her reaction.

“Then go on, but don’t you even think about skipping the End of The World Party, Prescott!!” She said, walking away from her friend.

“Never!” He hollered back at her.

Nathan went back into Max’s room, finding her asleep, clutching her cellphone to her chest. Fuck, he hadn’t left a note, he’d hoped she wouldn’t notice him gone, so he hadn’t thought about leaving one.

Instead of waking her up, he sat beside her resting body and laid carefully besides her. Carefully he arranged her in his arms, one below her head and his other circling her waist.

“Max..” he said kissing her head and not even five minutes later, he fell asleep as well.

**

Max was the first to stir awake, she felt hot, maybe a little too much, and she was aware of someone breathing behind her, hoping it was Nathan she decided to not freak out. He’d come back and had fallen asleep in her bed, a smile escaped her lips, shifting slowly to face him. He looked peaceful, her clock read they’d need to go to the End of The World Party soon, so she woke him with a soft kiss to his lips.

Nathan stirred to a warm sensation on his lips and he sought that warmness out, eliciting a giggle from the source of warmness. He opened his eyes slowly, finding himself face to face with Max who was looking at him with mirth.

“You minx” He said smiling at her, chasing her lips with his, and thank fuck! She responded in kind. Small kisses gave place to deeper ones and soon he found himself on top of Max, pushing his weight into her, their smile gone and a raw need in its place.

She reached for him at the same time he ground himself close to her, lips crashing with need, he knew he had to be careful not to lead this too soon in a direction they might not be prepared, but, maybe soon?

She moaned into his mouth, their tongues and breath mixing. His hands started to roam, _‘safe places’_ he kept reminding himself to not slip, her hands had gone and thrown his jacket off him, clasping safely at his side.

“We need to stop, Max” He whispered into her mouth.

“I know, but I kinda don’t want to?” She said smiling at him, her blue eyes drowning him.

Down, down, down he went, unable to think, only she mattered at that moment. He ground himself against her again, and she gasped, feeling him for the first time.

“You were right, I’m sorry, we need to stop” She said shyly.

He kissed her one, two, three more times and raised his weight off her, still on top of her.

“Don’t apologize, Max” He kissed her one more time and stood up awkwardly for a moment or two, willing his body to calm down.

“Hey, come back” She pulled his hand back towards her.

Nathan sighed and sat back on the bed. She hugged him from behind, on her knees.

“This is too new, but I don’t want us to be awkward” She kissed his neck. “Besides, we are still kind of trying to stay alive, you know? Huge turn down” she exaggerated a sigh.

Nathan chuckled and pulled her once more to press his lips to hers. “Fuck, you’re right” he said contentedly. “We should get ready for the party”

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” She asked looking down at herself.

“Nothing love, but Vic will definitely say something” He laughed, not realizing he’d called her ‘ _love’_ however, Max hadn’t missed it and was blushing deeply. “Unless you let her choose your clothes, maybe you will even bond that way” he gasped dramatically standing up once again.

Max raised to her feet as well and enveloped Nathan in her arms. “We did bond somewhat, last night”

Nathan didn’t know what to say, so he just held her close.

“I’m…”

“Don’t, don’t apologize, you were under too much pressure” She said hugging him tighter. “You’re fine, WE’RE fine, all else can fuck off right now” She said.

“I am, anyways” He said. “So? Should we try to magic Vic into helping you?”

Max giggled “No, I think I can manage somehow” she answered pushing him towards the door.

“All right, should we meet downstairs in an hour?” He asked.

“An hour? What am I supposed to use a full hour for?” She asked him.

“More?” He asked confused.

“No dumbass…just text me when you’re downstairs, ok?” She laughed at her.

“Ok, ok” he said exiting her room. “See you soon” he said bending down to steal one more kiss from her.

“See you soon…” She said breathless.

Nathan left her room and checked his phone, there were two missed calls from Jefferson and 5 messages

_\- Nathan, where the fuck are you?-_ _1_ _6:45_

_\- Where are we meeting, Nathan? Will she be ready?-_ _17:10_

_Call Missed 17:22_

_\- Nathan, answer me now! –_ _17:40_

_\- Nathan, meet my by the pool, a psycho entered the bunker, did you give him the address? –_ _18:02_

_\- Nathan, the psycho found me, I have to get out of town temporarily -_ _19:15_

_Call Missed 19:17_

Had it had actually worked? Were they temporarily safe? Last call was from 5 minutes ago...

He still felt anxious, like Mark would jump from behind any tree or bush to ambush him, and he would have to stand up to him, no matter how dangerous he was. In an impulse he decided to call Mark, only to make sure he was on the run and not lurking around the school.

 _“What?! Now you want to talk”_ Jefferson answered, Nathan could hear his agitation and the sound of his car speeding somewhere.

“I was in the infirmary, almost overdosed” He confessed.

 _“You’re a disappointment, Nathan”_ Mark answered back. _“Were you even going to the party according to plan?”_

“I am…was! It was a mistake, I was ready minutes ago, even” He answered back, lying through his teeth.

 _“No matter now, lay down, there is a psycho on my tail, maybe the parent of some of the girls? Maybe found the forums, I don’t know…but I will have to lay down for a while, you should do as well, maybe mention this as a passing comment to your old man?”_ Jefferson said much more than he would’ve in any other circumstance.

“I-I will” He stuttered out.

 _“Keep your phone with you at all times, I’ll contact you when this fucker disappears”_ Mark ordered him.

“I will, Mark” He said, and heard Jefferson hang up the connection.

Nathan almost slumped down on the relief he felt, it might be just a matter of time, but in this timeline Mark didn’t seem inclined to kill him as soon as possible, and Max was safe for now, they would try to unveil all his crimes in the meantime, make this extra time worth.

Also, it didn’t escape his notice what Mark had said, apparently the girls were being displayed? Sold? On a forum online, and his old pops looked to be right in the middle of it as well, he would need to mention this to Max, but now, now they had a party to go to.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my absence, I had a hard time thinking the future of this two time travelers, otherwise there were left like...3 chapters and it wasn't even acceptable for me to piece my story like that, but now I know better.
> 
> Let me know if I have very obnoxious mistakes, I'm having a hard time with English as it is mixing in my head with the new language and...chaos!
> 
> just fyi, I'm going to be working a little bit more in the relationship of these two, I hate forced romance hehe...
> 
> Hope you Enjoy!
> 
> Yours,  
> Ele.

The Party was on full throttle by the time Max and Nathan arrived together to the end of the world, many questioning faces, frowns, and shocked eyebrows were raised as they held hands in the party. Nathan stopped wondering what Max was doing as she approached several people in the party. After the first couple, she just shrugged, saying “Averting a couple of minor tragedies in case we need them later.”

It was no mystery to either of them that they were now living borrowed time, if the night came to a close without time resetting, they would be unto the unknown road, no more knowledge of what was to come and still too many perils and challenges ahead.

Nathan’s head was still killing him, the last week taking a toll on him and Mark’s last call still reverberating, however, he tried to put that out of his mind as he followed Max around the pool. He had vowed to himself that he would not drink, nor take anything that night. A part of him wanted to be better, wanted to follow through his promises to Kate and Max to commit himself to the loony house, with Max’s and Victoria’s help, he was sure he could be healthier and also finally come clean, no matter the legal consequences. He felt ready to be better and be the healthy version Max had seen in a glimpse of an alternate universe.

With this turmoil of thoughts he felt a need of reassurance, in the past, substance and being the limelight of the crowd were the only substitutes he had, but he wanted to try to rely in Max and promptly caught up to her and held her by the waist, enveloping himself in the line of her back, burying his head in the crevice between her shoulder and her neck, taking a relaxing breath, to which Max stopped and hugged his arms with one hand and cradled his head to her shoulder tenderly.

“You want to leave?” She asked letting her hand fall back to his chest.

“No, I’m fine” He answered meekly, both in their own world as the world shifter around them again. “I’m just a little overwhelmed, so much has happened in such a short time, I want to be better Max”

Max shifted in his arms and enveloped herself in his embrace. “You already are better, Nathan”

“ _Okay, everybody calm down. Thank you, thank you... I appreciate it. I don't want to get in the way of the party, but it's time to announce the winner of the "Everyday Heroes"_ contest, a voice boomed in the speakers. Max was looking at Principal Wells delivering the same speech that Mr. Jefferson had delivered the last time she was there; her company had changed dramatically and everything was already miles from familiar.

_“Before I do, In the name of Mr Jefferson who couldn’t make it tonight due to a personal matter, I want to thank everybody who entered their photograph... and everybody who thought about entering.”_

“Nice to see you, Max” A familiar voice raised over the booming speech of the principal. “I see you’ve changed me for some Prescott trash, It doesn’t surprise me, you abandoned me when I needed you the most” Chloe was standing in front of them.

_“Now, this is the most important step in being an artist—sharing your work with the world.”_

“What are you doing here, Price?” Nathan asked arrogantly placing himself in front of Max.

“I need some cash, was wondering if you’d be here, Lover Boy” said Chloe.

_“All of you represent Blackwell Academy, and everything our school stands for. As far as I'm concerned, you're all "Everyday Heroes"! The envelope, please... And the winner is…”_

“I don’t owe you anything” Nathan said tiredly, rubbing his forehead. His head was killing him and this was the least he needed.

 _“Victoria Chase!”_ The principal boomed in the background.

“Chloe, what’s going on here?” Max asked, approaching her friend.

“Oh! She speaks!” Chloe boomed, dripping sarcasm.

 _“Thank you so much, Mr. Jefferson. It was your incredible photography that brought me to Blackwell and I hope I can live up to your name... and fame. I also want to thank all the students for being so dedicated in their pursuit.”_ Victoria’s voice raised in the background.

“Now, now, I only want money, Prescott” She said, her eyes were crazed. “Or I’ll show the photographs I found where you tied up Rachel, probably killed her too”

What was going on!? Max’s head was reeling, in this version she had not accompanied Chloe to the Dark Room. Still Chloe seemed to know more that she ought to.

 _“Thank you.”_ Victoria finished her speech.

“What are you talking about, crazy psycho?” Nathan pushed, advancing toward Chloe.

“Ah-ah-ah” Chloe said, his stepfather’s gun in her hand now pointing at Nathan. “I’m not here to be questioned, I need money and I have shit on you, Prescott, as if I didn’t before”

Max put herself between Nathan and Chloe, trying to calm them, but she knew this was not the friend that had given her life for all of theirs.

“Move aside, Max” Two voices demanded.

“I’ll give you whatever, bitch. Just lower the gun.” Said Nathan distracting himself and taking his wallet out.

“Chloe, what mess did you get into?” Max moved a step towards Chloe, genuinely worried of her once friend.

“Stop moving!” Said Chloe shaking the gun dangerously.

“Whoa! Chill.” Max said halting, hands up. “I worry, I just want to help”

“You want to help? Why now Max? You had FIVE YEARS to care, to help. You’ve obviously been back for a while and had not taken the time to look for me, why would you even care!?” Said Chloe hysterically, it was obvious to Max that she was high, altered beyond reason.

Nathan didn’t understand why things kept escalating; this wasn’t supposed to happen. He had payed Chloe’s debts; she was supposed to leave him in peace now. And now he was watching Price loose it with a Max too close to her for comfort.

“Max, come back here” Nathan paused ruffling through his wallet and asked Max.

It didn’t have any explanation, but the lights went out in the pool party, one bulb after the other started to explode above them. Screams all around them and then, a shot rang.

“MAX!” Screamed Nathan.

People rushed to the doors now, lights were flashing around them and then the sound system falling into the pool, the small power generator being slowly dragged to the water.

“Max!” Nathan continued to shuffle to find her, worried sick, but time had not reset itself, she was not dead at least.

“Over here” Came her voice. “Chloe pushed me to the water” lights stabilized around them, and Nathan rushed to pull Max out of the water, she had floated a couple of meters away from the edge of the pool. Chloe was nowhere to be seen, maybe she ran after the shot.

He extended his hand to haul her out, their hands almost touching…

Nathan sat abruptly in bed, pushing Max aside in his rush.

“Fuck, Max!” Nathan said rubbing his face with his hands, wiping silent tears. How much could he take, how many more time would he lose her? It didn’t even make sense! They hadn’t even done anything risky or went looking for danger. Mark was running away from Frank and they only had to go to a stupid party and be teenagers for an afternoon.

“Nathan, what happened?” A drowsy Max asked beside him, touching his arm, pulling him back towards her.

Nathan let himself be dragged by Max and enveloped her in his arms in a smooth movement. “You died on me again, Caulfield” He cried into her hair.

“Why, what were we doing?” Max asked confused, hugging Nathan back.

“We were at the party and FUCK! It doesn’t even make sense! What was Chloe doing there and asking for money?” Nathan rambled.

“Chloe was there?” Max asked confused.

Nathan explained their last hour at the pool party.

“Nathan, did something happen before the party?” Max asked trying to put what could’ve gone wrong.

“Mark called to say he was running away from Frank, he mentioned that there were forums and maybe my father was connected, he told me to mention to my old man that he was out of town for a while”

“And you mentioned that Chloe talked about Rachel’s photos?” Max pushed for information.

“Yes, how could she have known though?” Said Nathan laying down, arms open around him.

Max sat down and looked at the sprawled Nathan in her bed. “We found those photographs in the Dark Room the same day in the other reality, if Chloe was looking for clues to connect you to Rachel, she could’ve been to the bunker, but she would’ve gotten the photos if Mark left them for someone or if he lost them somehow-” Cloe was thinking aloud, interrupted by a call.

“Its Mark” Nathan said nervously.

“Pick up!” She urged him.

Nathan sat down and picked up Mark’s call.

“ _Where the fuck have you been?”_ Mark’s voice screamed.

“I was at the infirmary, almost overdosed last night” He parroted his previous answer.

 _“You’re a disappointment, Nathan”_ Mark answered back. _“Were you even going to the party according to plan?”_

“I was ready minutes ago…” He answered listlessly.

 _“You’re a terrible liar, no matter,, there is a psycho on my tail, maybe the parent of some of the girls? Maybe found the forums, I don’t know…but I will have to lay down for a while, you should do as well, maybe mention this as a passing comment to your old man?”_ Jefferson repeated his scripted words.

“What does he have to do with this?” He stuttered out.

 _“Everything, but I don’t have time to enlighten you! Keep your phone with you at all times, I’ll contact you when this fucker disappears. If you have time make sure the bunker is closed and I left everything hidden, I lef in a rush”_ Mark ordered him.

“I will, Mark” He said, and heard Jefferson hang up the connection.

“You were right, he might have been sloppy. I need to make sure we don’t leave open leads anywhere unless we want the story repeating itself” Nathan said, he was not looking at Max.

“I’ll go with you” She offered.

“No, you can’t. I don’t want you to relive that horror, Max” He said finally facing her.

“You don’t get to decide that” Max caressed the side of his face, she was not fighting him, only stating the obvious. “If he was sloppy, he might have left incriminating information around, we can go have a look” She rushed out before he refused her again. “And what about your dad, Nathan? We could find how much he knows” Max pushed.

Nathan didn’t know what to say, he was hanging by a thread, his mind stretched beyond recognition.

“Mark said my old man had _Everything_ to do with the girls, can there be forums?” Nathan was horrified thinking that he had been unknowingly working for a bunch of decrepit, old pervs in the web.

“I wouldn’t put it below them, I thought it was a hobby though” She rationalized. “Ge must go”

Nathan looked sadly at Max; it was unfair that all this was linked to her dying until they got things right.

“Come here, Caulfield” Nathan pleaded. She went willingly, settling in between his open legs, burrowing herself in his chest, his arms folding themselves around her. “I don’t want to keep losing you, what if next time you don’t come back?”

“It is a possibility Nathan” She said sincerely. “I tried to save Chloe so many times and at the end her end was supposed to happen in that bathroom, I changed the past one more time, so it is possible that time is keeping me alive to die at the correct time, or none at all, but we will not know it until it’s maybe too late, but you have to know it is possible and even if that happens, I want you to promise me that you’ll go to rehab as you promised and move on, it will not be your fault” She said pulling his face to see into his eyes.

“How can you be so strong” He asked, a lone tear betraying him. “I can’t do this without you, I just found you” he pleaded her.

“You can, you have Kate and Victoria now, they’ll be here. Beside we don’t know what time has for us, we can only make the most of what we have” She tried to reassure him.

“Don’t leave me”

“I don’t intend to” She said sadly “And it goes both ways, I can’t lose you as I lost Chloe, it almost destroyed me the last time” She laid her head in his chest. “Let’s try to come out alive on the other side if possible, yeah?” She said leaving a kiss in his chin.

“Yeah…” He said kissing her forehead. “This is so strange, but feels so right” he wondered aloud.

“Yeah…” She said resting for a minute more in his arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but I decided it had to stand alone.
> 
> To the ones following this two idiots, thank you for sticking around!   
> To the new ones, I just want to assure you that even if it kills me, I vowed to finish this story.
> 
> I luv you all!  
> ∞Ele.

Max and Nathan drove in anxious silence to the bunker.

Nathan kept stealing glances at Max, fearful that if he even dared to blink, she would disappear. Before their previous conversation he hadn’t even feared that there might come a time when Time wouldn’t reset, and she would be lost to him forever.

Because those were the rules, right? No matter what, Max had to survive, and Nathan had to keep her safe. That was the deal, wasn’t it? The reason he had already done so much out of character to save her, to have her trust him and ultimately to deserve a shot to remain by her side _when_ this whole mess was to end.

But was there an end to this, was there even a reason why it had happened to the both of them?

Max had already tampered with time and it had not worked out well for her, but the result had been what it would’ve happened on the natural events, except she had gone and killed herself, either opening another chain of events or upsetting who, − _Time_?

Was this a punishment, was it a punishment to Max or to him?

And then, why him? Was it because he had been the active participant on the problem at hand, or was it something he had to do, or was there a piece of destiny he had to fulfill and if it was like that, was it positive or – again, a punishment?

He felt a headache forming, pushing his good spirits of the previous loop further away, here they were, putting themselves in the line of danger again, were they not allowed to have ONE day for themselves? Maybe ONE day without losing Max, without rushing from one place to the next, without gambling their necks?

Frustration was raising in his nerves, he hadn’t taken his medication, it was a very dangerous to keep pushing his anxiety up, but what was he to do?

Warm, it was warm, calm started to creep up his arm. Max’s hand was on top of his on the stick. Silently, she had understood the thunderstorm in his mind. Gentle, resilient, headstrong Max. Nathan raised his hand interlacing their fingers on top of the shift-stick, squeezing gently, not being able to break from his thoughts and the silence in the closed space.

Bittersweet despair started to brew under his skin, the mere idea of losing her, of someone bringing her harm taking roots in his psyche and he wanted to be able to vow that no more harm would come to Max, he would give anything to spare her from any pain! But it was useless, he knew how stubborn she could be, and he knew that there were unknown forces at work limiting his foresight, their plans.

Just look at the events at the pool party, they were supposed to have been able to have a nice time together! They had taken Mark out of the equation and Nathan and Chloe would’ve survived the night. And they had, but Max hadn’t made it. Because Mark screwed up. Because Chloe was angry.

And now they were on their way to the dark room that had caused Max so much pain, pain she wasn’t even able to share with him, but the way she winced at the mention of the place made it clear how raw it was still for her and the deep wound she still held. He wanted to spare her, to shut her in a safe place and throw away the key until the storm had passed and he could offer her a safe world. And to think that his own father could be responsible for it, that Nathan himself had participated and generated so much pain like hers in others already!

If this was all a _business_ , a sick enterprise that now made him sick in his stomach, thinking he had once coveted, aided, and admired this scheme, a scheme that was responsible for the death of Rachel and the pain for many others just for money?

It made his blood run cold and boil in the same moment, it made him want to puke and cry and scream and beg for forgiveness and make amends.

He didn’t deserve Max, that was the bare truth.

It was of no relevance that at the beginning he had thought that they were paid models, because he had learnt different soon enough, and had become enthralled anyway of the pain reflected in the victim’s eyes, a pain that reflected his own. He had felt the arousal that the marks left on the skin of the girls, left from a too tight knot, a chaffing twist. He had fed from the aesthetics of the resulting photos. His morbid fixation on pain, on despair, on death.

Nathan squeezed Max’s hand in despair, caused by the direction of his thoughts. He gave in and brought her hand to his lips, brushing her knuckles with his breath, his lips: a promise. He would atone, he would protect her, he would become worthy of her.

“Nathan” Max whispered; her eyes fixated on their joined hands. “What happened?” She inquired sadly, moving their hands to brush away the traitorous tear that had trickled down his cheek.

Nathan only shook his head in denial, refusing to look at he in the eye, it was perfect that he was driving, it gave him the perfect excuse to refuse to look at her, allowing himself a moment more of cowardice.

“Nathan” Her voice was a caress, she tugged at her hand, brushing his hand with his lips. “It’ll all be ok, Nathan. We have to believe that” She said reclining her cheek on their hands.

They had arrived and Nathan parked by the entrance fence, still refusing to look Max in the eye.

“You can’t promise that, you don’t know that” he whispered brokenly.

Nathan continued to shake his head in refusal, but it was useless, the dam had been brought down and the tears were running down his face freely now, a sob caught in his left hand.

“Nathan,” Max clicked off her safety belt and kneeled in the cabin, crawling close to Nathan, hugging his face to her bosom, threading her fingers through his hair, calming, soothing.

Nathan continued to cry, hurt and pain and fear brewing and spilling from him. He couldn’t lose her, he couldn’t keep her, but loosing her made him despair. And so, he sobbed, staining her blouse, but she only held him, consoling him.

Nathan had never, ever been held with such tenderness, never in his life had he felt as he did in that moment. Raw, exposed, fragile in her hands. He enclosed her in his arms and pulled her into his lap, burying his head in the crook of her neck as he wept.

“I’m sorry, Max.” He sobbed, his voice breaking. “I should be strong for you, this place−“

“No, Nathan, no.” Max’s voice purred. “This is not easier for you than me. This is an awful place, but with a little bit of luck we will never come back here.” She said softly.

“I’m still sorry, for who I was, for who I am.” he cried.

“Nathan, you have much to do still. But you are miles and miles away from the Nathan I once knew! And I’m convinced you’ll do better; you are already better.”

They stayed like that, minutes passing by.

“I can’t lose you.” Nathan said so softly that she thought she had imagined it.

“Then let’s make sure this is the last loop, come on, I don’t want to keep hurting you like this either.” She urged him into motion.

“You are right” He said tidying himself. “Let’s make sure Chloe doesn’t meddle again,” He kissed her cheek softly, reverently. “come on.” He took her hand and tugged her out his door, Max followed and once outside she hugged him, like trying to piece him back together.

“Yeah, let’s go” She said smiling softly.


End file.
